This is the third time I’m blogging by the way..

'Delete folder: mr fish?'

I vaguely remember staring at the screen, while the lights slowly faded out. For a long time, my thumb was hard pressed against the 'ok' button. Then I loosened my grip on the key pad.

I couldn’t do it. The consequences of deleting the folder? Well, I would have lost my only pillar of support, the one thing that pulls me through all those days I never thought I’d be able to pull through. A collection of memories archived into that tiny folder. It was the one thing I held on to for dear life (and the tigger which hung from it..hehs).

Ah yes. The memories. The days when mr fish still lived. Was it real? Or had it always been a mirage? Was it just me trying to catch a passing cloud, with hands frantically swiping into thin air?

It couldn’t be a mirage. It had to be real. Those days, the days which lived, they couldn’t be a dream. No dream could be that bittersweet. It lived, indeed it did. But it’s gone now. Everything. I guess I never really managed to grasp that fact.

The little girl’s gotta stand up again. Throw away the mask and dry her tears. Maybe even allow a little smile to crease her face; something which couldn’t happen in a long, long time.

Jehovah, is the Your way of helping me press the 'ok' button? AreYou trying to test if my love for You will outweigh all others? It does, Lord, it does. I love You more than life, more than its beauties.

More than him, even. I will let go, Lord, if You want me to.

Yes Lord, I guess that 'ok' button has finally been clicked.

[My bag was stolen today, along with 8 others, containing my bible, my notebook, keys, wallet, IC, 15 bucks, headset, ks’s book and other stuff. And of course, my handphone. Sigh.]

p.s. thanks to jun wen, hana and khariah [for helping me scour the school], dee, maril, dan, pc & ms ee [for being around]!