YOU have turned my life UPSIDE DOWN and INSIDE OUT. :)

Voila~!

And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
- Matthew 11:12

I will take it by force.

i set aside a small area at the corner of my room to be my altar.
not good enough for the Lord, but it was comfortable, and i could almost feel Him sitting on the chair, watching me as i pray.

yesterday, i sat there and prayed.
a silent prayer, not the kind we use against the devil.
i barely prayed for 5 minutes, when tears flowed down my cheeks.
i didn't understand why i felt this way.
disappointment?
hurt?
reminisce?
stupidity?
i asked, 'why is it i don't understand? why is it i can't forget..do i not love You enough?'
i cried.
and cried.
and cried.
and cried.
without understanding.
i cried.
i felt Him sitting there, watching me, as those tears flowed endlessly.

'read hebrews.'
'i did.'
'read it properly.'

i turned to hebrews.
and i read.
i read it with my heart, and His wisdom guided me through.

By Faith They Overcame
30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days.
31 By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace.
32 And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets:
33 who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, ordained promises, stopped the mouths of lions,
34 quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens.
35 Women received their dead raised to life again. Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better reserrection.
36 Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment.
37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented -
38 of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains in dens and caves of the earth.
39 And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive that promise,
40 God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.

The Race of Faith
12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight , and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

'you can't understand God. if you understand God, you are God.'
'God doesn't want you to understand, then have faith. He doesn't work that way. He wants you to have faith, then understand.'

'now do you understand?'
'i...'
'the pains and sufferings of this world are but temporal. the riches that await you in My kingdom are eternal. have faith, my child, and you will understand. have faith.'

faith.
such a simple word.
i always thought i had faith.
simple faith, strong faith, child-like faith.
the same faith which saved me from turning away from Him months ago.
no.
my faith was inadequete.
it was incomplete.
He made me understand that yesterday.
i've got to have faith in Him.

i want to love Him even more each day.
more and more and more.
i want to enter His Kingdom as a child.
i want to be like King David, a woman after His own heart.

i love you Christ.
i love you Lord.

for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17:20

loved by Jesus!

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