YOU have turned my life UPSIDE DOWN and INSIDE OUT. :)

Voila~!

And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
- Matthew 11:12

I will take it by force.

and at the rate i'm going, i'm gonna emerge the big loser.

easiest way out is not to care.

steel fences and iron curtains.

(i can almost see dan smirking.)

its her last trump card;
the unexpected.

its like a game of poker.
no emotions involved.
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people are such interesting creatures.
no matter how strong one may seem, there's always a weak point.
and this weak point never fails to work up, absolutely at your whims.
if you can find the key, that is.

how often i have allowed people to hold that key.
knowing even.

even more amazing i never used mine.
maybe because i just found mine out.
_________________________________________________

i'm not quite done yet.
i'll stay and play.

how cold.
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sounds like i'm rambling huh.
never mind, its not meant to be understood.

anyays, of things closer to the mind....
i'm pretty amazed at life as it is right now.
i mean, how can anyone spend an entire lifetime just studying and studying and STUDYING?? that's just disgusting. is that what your life is all about? studying? isn't anyone appalled at how degenerated our society has become? what, now life's merely a paperchase? so, without the relevant certificates (you know, those which prove your worth), you're not going to have 'that fantastic life i've always dreamed of?'

don't get me wrong. i'm no idealist. education is important. but it just shouldn't take up your whole existence! so what happens after the papers? a good job. then? 'i need to get that promotion.' then it just goes on. what? it's ridiculous. what's even more ridiculous is how people can stress out and commit suicide FOR THIS VERY REASON. oh my gosh.

look at us. so pathetic. we've even got to get weird american-accented young fathers to tell us how to handle stress. (stress CAN be handled! the key word is management!') wow. took a rocket scientist to figure that out. why stress? sheesh. it's not gonna make things better, really.

(don't mind the constant rambling.)

look at our teachers now. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them are b - i - t - c - h - i - n - g as if we killed their mothers. hey, who flicked your balls man. swinging from one pendulum to another. excuse me, we're not here for you to toss around and spit on.

we study dystopia. appalled at their lives, how oppresesed life there is.
what makes you think we aren't in one ourselves?
needing to conform (rules), education (so you won't be hung on the wall), stress (that senseless fear).
spells dystopia back to front.

disgusting.

pfft.

loved by Jesus!

no matter how much you've changed, there'll always be residue from your past.

ya know, we all ask God for little concessions, don't we?
like a little girl asking her Father for 'just one more sweet?'

sometimes, i don't know if i should ask for concessions.
cuz there is the danger that everytime i ask, i'll just want more, and more, and more.

we all have our little demons.
i have mine too.
jumps at me and clutches my heart and claws non-stop.

i will have no other gods before You,
only You will reign as my heart's King.
i will have no other gods before You,
i will put You first in everything.

i'm scared that if i ask for concessions, i'll slip back into those times.
but my heart cannot take a total banishment of it.

and so i pray.

Lord Jesus,

i pray that You do what's best for me, for only You know what's right and good in the eyes of God. i am willing, all it takes is Your word. if i could ask for these concessions, i would, but only under Your will. if it may be so, let me deny heart and flesh, for they are weak. i direct them to you, may my spirit be guided by Your light. i love You above all else, nothing i give up can be compared to You. help me strengthen my flesh, so i may be a greater testimony for You. this i ask, through Christ Jesus,

Amen.

overlook my residue, and i'll overlook yours.

loved by Jesus!

i never knew she meant so much to me.
my security does not lie in you.
i never knew she meant so much to me.
how can you ever understand?
i never knew she meant so much to me.
time is not a factor.
i never knew he meant so much to me.
everyday i thank God for you.

and i never knew He meant so much more.

i cried on sunday like nobody's business.
cuz i suddenly felt the full impact of the decision i made.
the full impact of my decision to follow You.

and i have no regrets.

what the world will never take - hillsongs
with all i'm holding inside
with all my hopes and desires
and all the dreams that i've dreamt

with all i'm hoping to be
and all that the world will bring
and all that fails to compare

you say you want all of me
i wouldn't have it any other way

i've got a Saviour and He's living in me
woah i wanna know, i wanna know You today
You're the best thing that has happened to me
and the world will never take
the world will never take it away.

loved by Jesus!

sometimes, its just a matter of mutual acceptance and compromise.
i'm willing to accept and move on.
my hand's extended (no matter how it may look), whether or not its taken isn't within my control. this is all i can do.

i have learnt to put my trust in God and not in man, cuz man will always fall short of expectations.

loved by Jesus!

perhaps what i said in my prev entry has been seriously misintepreted.
i apologise for that, cuz i wrote that expecting that no matter how i sound when i express it, you guys know that i don't mean to sound that way.
i forgot we haven't really been spending time nor even speaking to each other.

i've deleted that entry.

i'm sorry i can't be there physically all the time. i didn't mean to sound the way i did. i'm not, in any way, trying to use you guys, or to try and make you guys sound childish or what. i appreciate that you guys are informing me about this. if i sounded condescending in any way, i'm sorry, it wasnt supposed to turn out as such.

i want to salvage our friendship. i just cannot afford to be there all the time. i'll always be around, just not physically. its almost impossible for me to dig out the time, cuz i'm packed each second of the day. i'm really sorry about this.

i don't know if you think i'm being sincere or not, that's really something i can't control. i can tell you i am, but if you don't feel that way, i guess i can only assure you that i am.

loved by Jesus!

two things left to say:
1. i stand firm.
2. i will back her.

some of you are prob wondering why i'm like this.
that's cuz i always remember when someone stands up for me.
i remember for life and i'll be super protective.

i don't want to raise this issue anymore.

loved by Jesus!

i admit, naturally, i'd be biased.
jus like how anyone would stand up for a friend being attacked.
its not her fault, and you know it.
stop giving excuses.
we're the ones who decided to skip lectures, skip school and all.
and don't say the excuse given was good, cuz we all know we lied.
so don't you dare point fingers at someone else for the crap we got ourselves into.
sorry, i'm only here for the personal side of it, cuz i love her to bits. i will stand up for her the same way she stood up for me, the same way i'd stand up for people i love.
i really don't care what happens to you, but don't you dare attack her like that ever again.

loved by Jesus!

heya!!
new blog template again! cuz e old one's bandwith exceeded (or some crap like that).
aiyee.
gtg.
brb laters.

random thought:
if everyone worked within his/her limits, we'd never know what we truly can achieve.

loved by Jesus!

oh my gosh.

that was so tiring.

nice blog??

anyways, red rain was fantastic!! woohoo!!! (i still don't think the drummer's that hot..)

for the first time, i asked, i questioned, i blamed. so where were you when i needed you? that was my question. In His presence i wept....broke down for the first time after the entire incident. it felt so good. His presence was so strong....blanketing us all.

Father, come into my presence and teach me.

i will seek.

You said You'll never leave me, i said i'll never let you go..

loved by Jesus!

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