YOU have turned my life UPSIDE DOWN and INSIDE OUT. :)

Voila~!

And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
- Matthew 11:12

I will take it by force.

I do like this new blog template. I wonder how long it'll last though, cuz I'm already thinking of switching back to my Chinese gangster one.

In any case,

I was reading an article about blogging in Life! today, not much of a surprise since the world has been taken by storm by this apparently new phenomena. Mass emailing, online diary, propaganda, call it what you like, but seriously, I don't understand the need to constantly debate about it (paradox fully intended). The challenge about blogging is about putting your ideas/opinions/thoughts across to the relevant parties without revealing much to others you don't give two hoots about.

And that's exactly what I'm going to attempt today.

There are a couple of thoughts that have been weighing on my mind today (reason for that headache perhaps?). Lessons continued as per normal (discounting the happy free period we received this afternoon with images of Supermadam hanging on our consciences, or the lack thereof), but it just struck me how much it has evolved from last year. Last year, I had a lot more friends. Now, don't for a moment collect the wrong impression; this is not some sob story about how lonely I've been feeling or how sad my life has been. On the contrary, it's been more fulfilling than I've ever remembered it being. It's just sad to know that some of these friendships have been lost because of misunderstandings, miscommunications and my inability to manage time. And now, it's almost impossible to get these back because of the dragon called pride. Ah yes, pride indeed will come before a fall...I wonder how deep this fall will be. Sorry if I come across cold and dismissive, and pardon me while I try (very hard) to shoo Mr Dragon Pride out with my last dusty broomstick.

While contemplating this, I was reading one of my favourite blogs (favourite because it gives me such happy vibes), and once again, this belongs to one of my old friends. There were times when my name used to pop up every few sentences, and days where we would be so excited to see each other that we would jump over benches screaming as though we've been separated for 10 years. Friends are spacial, as my pastor once said, and I think perhaps, I don't have the privilege of filling up that space anymore. Before time builds a bridgeless ravine between us (pardon the lame poetics), allow me to attempt to salvage this. Mr Dragon Pride ain't getting no where near this one if that's the last thing I do. Darling, still love ya loads. I believe this friendship has substance, and sincerely want it to last.

An incident occured just yesterday (or was it the day before?) which put me in an interesting moral dilemma. Torn between my spiritual beliefs, concern for a friend and selfishness on my own part. Good thing is, I can still separate and discern the three, bad thing is, I know exactly what's happening and I don't like it one bit. I almost wanted to set my msn nick as 'let us ride the ferris wheel one last time', before I realised that we've never sat on a ferris wheel(someone kill Ms Romantic). As much as the friend in me is struggling to get out and say 'Great! I'm really happy for you!', my spiritual beliefs is suppressing it rather successfully. I still stand by what I said a few months back (if you would care to recall) and perhaps the sentimental (i.e. selfish) me had hoped for a turn of events. One day, all of me would be binded as one, with the spiritual taking dominion of course. Yes, I'm fervently working towards that blessed day. I know when you read this a few weeks' (if God blesses me with a miracle) or months' (if I'm lucky) time, you'd call and demand to know exactly why I'm feeling or thinking this way. Dear, I won't be able to remember by then (I'll will it if I must) so you'll just have to gather what you can from this short paragraph I'm dedicating to you. You'll always be my best friend.

Actually, come to think of it, I am rather sad. It's a distant, faraway sort of sadness though. Sadness felt by the Liane I've long since left behind.

Just to inject a little sadistic humour in this entry, I realised that I have 6 econs essays, 5 history sbqs, 3 history essays, 1 GP compre and that's discounting those I have no idea (as of now) that I have to complete. Cue sadistic laughter.

Its great to know I'll always have You to hug, You to fall asleep with at night, You as my Lord and Saviour and of course, You to ride my imaginary ferris wheels. Its been great serving You, and not to mention, an honour. Thank You for bestowing me with this honour, my Lord. Let me never to stop loving You.

loved by Jesus!

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