Kissed by a Jinx

2007-03-29T23:51:00.000+08:00

I have moved.

currently at livejournal.

For some strange reason, I can't put up the link here. So you'll just have to do it manually.

cowsgotoheaven.livejournal

okay?

blogger boo you.

Parapazzi.

2007-03-29T13:03:00.000+08:00

I say, don't try to read me, my friend, don't try...

Because there's nothing to read, I am who I am, I act like who I am, and I say what I am.

I don't know how else to react to it actually.
Initially I must admit, I was irritated and very mad when I heard about what you must have thought.
But now I find it quite funny.

I don't get hung up about such small things anymore my friend.

Haha.

On to bigger things in life.

Something so big, it has me totally immersed in it, totally engaged in it.
It would mean a totally new thing, a totally BIG thing...accelerating at the speed of light.
A new path, a new route.

Boo!
HAHA SCARED RIGHT.

When big things and exams loom before you, you go a little crazy.
Cuz well, I am human after all, and I do face stress.

Like,
"I have a mouse. Daniel has a cat. We can play catching!"
That, btw, was in response to Shu Yi asking for a mouse for Noel's laptop.

And...
Peck Lian's PARAPAZZI.
Will some kind soul tell her it's paparazzi?

AND BY THE WAY.

Just to let you know,
If you want to matchmake someone, the perfect person to ask is the security guard, according to the pecktheory of marriage.
"So uncle ah, ask you ah, you think our miss parapazzi peck should get married now ah?"

Oh my......the parapazzi-ness of it all.

"Liane....you should go study now....get some rest......."

Oh, the inner voice calls.

MRT rides

2007-03-22T16:36:00.000+08:00

My MRT rides are more exciting than yours.

Worth.

2007-03-21T12:50:00.000+08:00

Some people can mean the world to you,
But you don't mean anything to them.

Comfort zone

2007-03-20T10:59:00.000+08:00

After being a Christian for some time in Heart of God church, many of us would have found our place.
Doing what we do best.
But sometimes, doing all these things makes us a tad too comfortable.
We remain in our comfort zone.
Unwilling to get up and get out.

Sometimes, we do the wrong things so often, that we get a little sick and tired of it.
So we end up in a vicious downward cycle.
Going down and down and down and down...
Till we land with a huge 'thump!'
And we tell ourselves, 'There's no point. Let's just stay here. I'm comfortable here.'

So in doing so, we lost the energy to fight back.
We gave up the spirit that used to be inside us, screaming, 'Get up and do something about it!'
We ignore it often enough, till that spirit gets a little tired of screaming.
And we go a little deaf to it's screaming.

So what happens next?
You're not a bad Christian.
You still go to church every week.
In fact, you still go to church many times a week.
You're involved in some ministries.

But you see that most of your friends have risen up...gone on to do bigger things.
And you feel a little, well, wishing that you were like them too.

Sounds familiar?

Everyone of us has gone through that, some point of our lives.
But the key is not to stay too happy in your comfort zone.
Learn to get up and get out.

If you want to move ahead, you gotta stop ignoring that voice inside of you..start listening to it.
Make a decision to do something about it, and keep to that decision.
Things don't happen immediately, but you just gotta keep on keeping on.
You will get there...
If you want to.

Hope this has ministered to some people. :)

God talk.

2007-03-19T11:24:00.000+08:00

'Will you?'

After much struggling..

'Okay.'

Here we go again.

Isabel Tan.

2007-03-14T09:54:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to one of my favourite people in the world.

Okay Bel, maybe you don't quite count as favourite...HAHA. But you sure count as one of the people I love most.

I don't get to talk to you that often, maybe just a few times a week.

I don't know how it's like to be in Canada, because I've never even been there.

When I was younger, I used to think Canada was near Australia or something.

But I really do try to keep you connected here, to tell you about what's been going on and update you with all the LATEST INFORMATION you can laugh about until your cheeks explode.

I really don't think that you're going to stay in Canada for another year.

I think you're gonna come back to Singapore and study here.

I wish I could say that the Holy Spirit told me that, but I can't.

I'm sure He will update me soon though.

My best friend instincts tell me you're coming back.

So, while you don't wanna get your hopes up, let me just remind you..

He loves those whose faith is like a little child's.

It's okay to have faith like a little child, even if they may get shattered.

Faith pleases God, and hey, you never know what strong faith can do.

It's been said to move mountains and cast them into the sea.

I make a solemn promise to you.

My next fast will be dedicated to Isabel Tan (I can't remember your Chinese name...I know it's Pei something).

And if I'm giving up food for you, you better have the decency to start praying and believing you're gonna come back.

Bring some nice doughnuts along with you too.

Love you. :)

Time wasters

2007-03-11T11:48:00.000+08:00

Don't waste my time.

You may have nothing to do in your life, but I do.

Argh.

FEE FEE IN HOSPITAL!! ):

2007-03-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

FEE FEE!

Don't like seeing Fifi lying on the hospital bed with a drip attached to her.

I mean, even for myself, I'd probably bite the drip off.

And I'll kill the doctor before he tries to stuff a needle into my wrist and pump liquids into it.

Ouchies.

And an OPERATION.

Good grief.

I'll scream the high heavens down if I ever have to go through an operation.

What a brave leader I have.

Ima saddened.

I mean, even if Fifi doesn't eat veggies and fruits, it doesn't give anything (yeah I'm talking to you, you APPENDICITIS nonsense, you....) to make her fall sick.

TSK TSK.

I'll bite you.

Haha. Oh WELL.

Glad she's okay now. :)

The whole WORLD (the world of D Zone!) visited FEE!

At one point, there was like 30 people squashed into the LAVENDER SUITE at East Shore Hospital.

Valerie Fifi Iskandar.

It's all in the name LAH.

Like me, I'm only an NG. Not ISKANDAR.

HAHAHA KIDDING!

As I was talking to Dom, we agreed that the horrible naughty appendicitis won't kill her, but BOREDOM prob would.

I guess there wasn't much of a BOREDOM problem.

Being fair to God

2007-03-07T12:56:00.000+08:00

I'm amused.

In this entry, I'm going to ask you some questions.

Why is it that every single *!#$# time something bad in the world happens, people always go....
'Why would a fair, just, loving and Almighty God allow such a thing to happen?'
Shaking their heads.
Letting out self-righteous sighs.
And then saying, 'There can't be a God.'

Everytime something bad happens to people, like when people go through a bad breakup...
No one's fault.
But God's.
God's fault that you got a jerk of a boyfriend?
Gee.

Why does everyone point to our God? Our Jesus?

Why doesn't anyone blame Buddha or Allah or something?
(Disclaimer: Nothing against Buddha or Allah, just try to see my point.)

And you know the funniest thing is, these people don't even believe in God.

Let me translate to how I see it. "Oh, I don't believe in God. But I know He's responsible for all the horrible things that happen in my life." Is the same as saying, "Oh, I don't think dogs are real. But I'm pretty sure a dog peed on my carpet." Please tell me how that remotely makes any sense.

God's just something convenient for them to point at, to push the blame to when no one else is around to be the scapegoat.

He was already our scapegoat 2000 years ago.

Sigh.
Gets a little irritating sometimes, don't you think?

If we expect a fair God, the least we could do is be fair to Him.

Burdened.

2007-03-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

God, I need to pour out to You the things which weigh heavily on my mind.

Pastors.
God, let PGSM be a success.
Please protect and bless this couple who has given nothing short of their best and their all to You.
Even their hearts behind wanting to set up a private university is so amazing.
To provide youths with a better alternative.
To impact more lives through education.

Where you there when Pastor How was sharing about how youths are often despised and shamed?
It was during last Sunday's adult service.
My heart just broke.
Honestly, any man at the age of 30 (plus) wouldn't give two hoots about how youths are despised. Why should he care?
Pastors do. They love. They care.

The hearts of this generation will turn towards the youths.

God, I pray for a new premise.
We are growing at an exponential rate, and we really need a new place.
A new place, bigger and better, convenient for all the youths to get to, still in the heart of town, but affordable.
Much blood and sweat was poured into this place.
Let us begin to pour more into our future premise, I know You already have one ready.
I believe in You.

For I know the thoughts I think towards you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Dominic.
God, I pray that you protect Dominic while he's away in Taiwan.
I think he's just so amazing.
At the age of 20, he's leading two zones, more than 100 people in total.
He's serving in the army, serving on worship team, serving God.
I know Dom will be safe in the palm of Your hands.

Fifi.
God, I pray for Fifi.
She's on staff, she leads 3 CGs of 60 - 70 youths, plays on worship team and is still studying at NTU.
I pray that D2 will not be a burden to her, but we will begin to rise up once more.
I pray for more leaders to share the burden with her.

D2.
Lord, I pray for D2.
That we will not be a burden to our leaders, and we will learn to turn our hearts towards You.
I pray that we will carry our Pastors' and leaders' hearts.
Noel. Soo Yee. Shu Yi. Ernest. Jimmy. Justin. Liane. Daniel. Qi Qi. Jerome. Lydia. Cheryl. Natascha. Luxian.
I pray for all of us, that we will truly be people after Your own heart.

Me.
God, I pray that I begin to learn how to lighten my Pastors' and leaders' loads.
That I grow into a leader whom they can trust, rely and depend on.
I pray that I learn how to manage my time, so I can do all things.
People. Staff. Work. Studies.
Routines. Momentum. Acceleration.
I will be Your movement.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Thank You.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen.

So, what are the things which weigh heavily on my heart?
These are the things.
Pastors.
Dom.
Fifi.
D2.
Personal growth.

Let's go. :)

Garrett.

2007-03-05T10:35:00.000+08:00

Do you think it's possible for someone to,

Lead a Zone of 80 - 100 people i.e. Zone Leader
Play in two worship teams
Lead the entire Youth Staff that runs the church i.e. Chief of Staff
and get straight Bs in school?

Just the thought of it makes me feel like hyperventilating.

But this is what Garrett does everyday.

Times like these.......you know God is real.

Change

2007-02-28T14:09:00.000+08:00

I think I've changed quite a bit.

Things that used to be important to me are no longer, people who used to mean the world to me are no longer.
I've learnt to see things in a different light, I've learnt to take things in my stride.
I've learnt to turn the other cheek, I've learnt to let go.
I've learnt what's really important to me, and I've learnt that there are some things worth dying for, but not all things.
I've learnt to walk on, move on, look ahead.
I've learnt to study (haha!).

But the old me wasn't that bad.
I think I've lost some things, which I need to get back from the old me.
I think I've lost a reckless, radical drive I used to have.
The kind where I won't look anywhere else but run straight towards what I want.
I need to get that back.

I think I've sort of lost a little bit of that rebellious fighter who once ruled my life.
Now, I think I need that back.
Rebellious to anyone against God.
Fighting.
Fight fight fight.

I've lost a little of that passion for people.
The going in people's lives, changing and transforming them, one by one.
I want that back.

Routine and momentum.
Got you man.
Now it's time for acceleration.
:)

Calculus

2007-02-28T13:37:00.000+08:00

I ACED MY CALCULUS.

72/100

Bouquets to.....
Pastors and Fifi!!
For forcing me to study.

Ian Koh
For teaching me (despite my sleepy spells).

Joyce Tan
For teaching me (although you weren't very sure yourself, haha).

And the Oscar goes to.......

Thank you God, all the glory goes to you. :)

2007-02-27T01:52:00.000+08:00

BEST FRIEND INVADES!!! ((:

Get your own countdown at BlingyBlob.com

Go grab a present today! (:

Ciao! (:

I believe in you.

2007-02-19T09:49:00.000+08:00

I still believe in you with all my heart.

I believe I see what others can't see.
There's something in you worth believing in.

I believe God sees too.
And I still pray for you.
Not everyday, I admit, but enough.

So stand strong.
We're with you. :)

Second-guessing

2007-02-18T08:46:00.001+08:00

I hate having to second-guess people.

When I meet people and have a relationship with them, I want to know them inside out.
I want to be able to ask them upfront what they're thinking about, how they feel about things, ya know?
I guess I just don't like not knowing.
And it's so tiring to keep things from each other.

I never have to second-guess Bel, or Gab, or Esmonde or any of my closest friends.
I never have to second-guess Fee.
I definitely never have to second-guess Pastors.

You may not tell me how you feel all the time.
Well maybe cuz of what happened, you can't.
But trust me, I do know what you're thinking most of the time.
By virtue of second-guessing.
And I don't like it one bit.

I bet you second-guess me all the time.

Scary how we're always right.

Another thought.
If you have to second-guess the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with,
it's going to be one miserable existence.
Especially friends.

Let's be upfront with each other alright?

Valerie Fifi Iskandar

2007-02-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

I love my leader.

Valerie (Fifi) Iskandar.

For many things.
Especially because she leads me, instead of mothering me.
Because she is strong, and she teaches me to be strong.
Because I see that if anyone of us is in trouble, she'll be the first to stand up and fight.
She'll be the first to stand up and fight for God, for Pastors, for the church, for her people.

That's what I call a true fighter, a pillar of the church, a Zone Supervisor.
A Youth of the Year.

She inspires me to be more than who I am.
She inspires me to be unafraid, uncompromising and strong.
She gives me (many) a tight slap when I need to wake up my idea.
She shows me what it means to be a real Christian.

I mean, hello, who can be both the YOUTH OF THE YEAR and TOP 25 YOUTHS UNDER 25 IN SINGAPORE at the SAME TIME?
Kinda says something eh?

Man.
I want to be just like her.

Be jealous, people.
Be very jealous.
Cuz I've got the best leader in the world.

(Disclaimer: After Pastors and Dom of course. Hee hee.)

99 vs 1

2007-02-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

Luke 15: 4-5
4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

Today, I looked at my ninety-nine, but my heart was with the one which is lost.

I don't know how many of you have ever lost something before, something precious to you.
It could be your handphone, or your wallet?
Something that you had to pay a price for.
Maybe you had to save up a full month for that new handphone, the latest model, with 2.0 megapixel camera, 1GB memory stick, in-ear headphones...
That's my phone by the way.
You love it.
You adore it.
Then it goes missing.
You get frantic.
You pray.
You can't think of anything else till you find your phone..that's the only thing that'll set you at ease.

Today, God showed me how He felt when He found that He had only 99 sheep, that 1 was missing.
Do you know what wilderness means?
Wilderness speaks of a barren place, of scorpions, dry land and death.
Yet, without hesitation, He leaves the 99 in the wilderness in search of 1.
That's how much He loves.

That's God's heart.
That's Pastor's heart.
That's Dominic's heart.
That's Fifi's heart.
That's my heart.

Pastors lead 700 member church, and yet they're still asking about you!
That's how much they love you...
I know that that's about how much they love me too, and it means the world to me.

Don't lose fire.
Don't lose your sight.
I remember, you have great visions for God.
You wanted to sing on the worship team.
Keep those dreams alive!

Pastors, Dominic, Fifi and I, we all believe in you.

He's not going to rest, till He finds that one lost sheep. And then there'll be great celebration and rejoicing!

You have a place here.
You have a place in God's heart.
You are so important.

I miss you loads.

My Best Friend.

2007-02-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

That's for giving me a heart attack with that photo.

Lucky I look cute. HAHA.

GABRIEL LEE SWEE KEAT.

Back in the days when your hair was still short.

Go cut.

That was a lovely entry you dedicated to me.

I didn't know you drink only lukewarm or hot water.

We're different in many more ways.

He's scrawny and I'm fat.

Chubby.

Cute.

Whatever you might call it.

Our fashion senses are worlds apart.

I still don't like the blue shoes much.

He can solve a p5 question.

I can't.

He teaches SOW guitar.

I think I failed mine.

He goes to downtown east more than I do.

And I live 3 minutes away.

But you know what, this is our biggest similarity.

We love God, we love Pastors, we love our leaders, he Garrett and me Dom and Fifi.

Gab is the sweetest best friend one could ever ask for.

I can call him at 1 - 2 plus at night and he'll talk to me till he hears distant snoring.

It's funny how it's always me sleeping.

He can listen to me whine non-stop about the same thing.

Treading around Mt Horeb...

Haha!

If I need to find something online, I know without a doubt I can count of him to help me.

Even if it's the price of an adidas bag.

When we used to cab home together from church (east side la), he'll always send me home first.

Even though he stays in the Paya Lebar area and I stay in Pasir Ris.

And he even remembers my address when I knock out in the cab.

I talk to him about anything and everything.

And though I think he hardly understands what I'm talking about sometimes, he does a real good job at listening.

Yep.

We've been through hell and fire together.

With Gab around, I know that there's someone I can rely on, someone I can depend on.

Thanks bestie.

That's my entry for you. :)

And.................

Here you go!

Pastors are away!

2007-02-08T14:10:00.000+08:00

You know what.
I miss Pastors.
It feels weird going to church and not seeing Pastors.
It's like going home and not seeing your parents.
Weird.

Oh gosh.
They'll be away for 2 weeks!
Ah!

Anyways.
SMU life is as usual.
Although I feel that I've made major improvementss, I still have a long way to go.
Major improvements like..
1. I'm actually on time for lectures (as opposed to being 15 mins late every time).
2. I actually do AS homework (as opposed to never doing any homework ever).
3. I actually go for more lessons, only skipping 6 this term (as opposed to going for about 3 - 4 classes out of 5 a week).

Ah well.
Maybe next term I'll be early for my lectures, I'll do all my homework, my readings, and go for all my lessons!
Hee hee.
Fat chance.

Highlight of the week:
Last Sunday, Dale and I went shopping with Esmonde.
It was a BLAST.
Esp after I had such a miserable day.
Esmonde looks like a million bucks now man!
Technically, anything he pulls out of his wardrobe, even if he does it with blindfolds, should look stunning.
So you can imagine my look of horror yesterday when I saw him in one of his old condemned-by-Liane outfits.
*faints*

Oh, and yesterday was the inspection for our springcleaning!
Chris, Mich, Cindy, Shu Yi, Sam, Yong Sing and I cleared up the whole recep area, and it's sparkling clean now!
In fact, we were the first and only ministry to have passed inspection on the first round!
Kudos to the team man!

Can't wait for the weekends.
Last week's service was a blast.
41st Day totally nailed it man!
I went in for the adult service, and it was so awesome to start the day praising and worshipping Jesus the way we did!

Just a little bit more.
Eye on the goal.
Blinders on.
No more distractions.
This time, I'm gonna nail it.
Fighter is back.
All recharged.
All ready to go.

Thanks Pastors, I owe it all to you.

2007-02-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

Hmm.

Psych test was bad bad bad today.
Bad bad test.
Boo psych.

And I've got a BGS project to complete by Monday.
I hate completing things by Monday.
Ew.

I sound like a kid.

I bought a new surf pencil case and neon coloured hair tye (orange, lime green, pink).
And I was listening to The Moffatts.
Joyce and I concluded that I am stuck in the secondary sch era.
Hey...I love being young man.

People can be so complicated sometimes.
That's why psych's so hard to study.
Haha.
I guess there's gonna be more to come, like Bel said.

Mid terms.
What a monster.

Who are you?

2007-01-29T13:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I'm so glad thoughts aren't bubble wrapped and located at the top of your head.
And that, at home, you at least get some privacy away from the world who can see and judge you for who you really are.

I believe that this is God's way of protecting us and telling us He loves us.
Because in that privacy, some of your dirtiest thoughts surface, and your uglier side shows.
In that privacy, it is up to you to heed the voice of God and do something to clean yourself up.

You get a chance to clean it up, before the world sees.

Dear Lord,
I have sinned against no one but You.
But I thank You for protecting me and showing me where I need to change.
It may not be a big thing, but everything big always starts out small.
So God, I'm going to make an effort.
I'm going to do something about this stinking attitude of mine.
I pray that You watch over me while I'm at it, and show me how I should change.
Once again, thank You,
and I'm sorry.

Thank God that only You judge me.

Unleashed.

2007-01-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

Wooooooahhhhhhh.

God rocks lah.

Had a powerful powerful time with God yesterday.
Boy do I miss it.

The future is so amazing. It's gonna be amazing.
I'm gonna take it by force.

Been talking to many people recently, many old friends.
People have changed.

I used to be afraid of people changing.
But now, I see that many have changed for the better.
Many people are stronger, more convicted, taking back what is rightly theirs.

We are fighter planes. :)

I see the potential in you.
Of the person you could possibly be.
That's why.
That's the most amazing thing.

For every individual I meet, I can't seem to see them as they are.
Pastors have passed on to me an ability to see people for who they have the potential to be.
This sight is so precious.
Foresight.

If there's one thing I've learnt, it's this.
Low periods in your life are simply opportunities for you to show how strong you really are.

Food for thought. :)

New skin!

2007-01-22T15:00:00.000+08:00

Wooooooo~!
New blog skin, hope ya like it!
It's not gonna stay for long though, will change it as soon as I figure out how to come up with a plain blogskin.

Anyways....
The start of the year has been one exciting one!
Pastor Joakim's schools' seminar totally ROCKED THE HOUSE DOWN!

I can't believe I'm turning 20 this year.
I sound 16.
Hee hee.

Schools started...more projects and lectures and believe it or not, I have a psych exam up next week.

That's just psychotic.

But ya know what?

2007 is gonna be awesome.

Just watch us. ;)

gotta go for tuition already, ttyl!

Toodles~!

Do you want it bad enough?

2007-01-20T06:51:00.001+08:00

The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.
That's mine. You can't take it away from me.
I will take it by force.

Favourite people, favourite things, favourite times of the year.

2007-01-03T13:36:00.000+08:00

Ok, so the photo ain't that clear. (Ruoen........!)

But hey, you get the picture.

My two favourite people in the world...Dad and Mum! *Waves*

Oh the stories I could tell you about Pastor How and Pastor Lia..about how much they love the youths, about how much they'd give to the youths..their strength, their courage, their faith, their love..
Even if you are not yet interested in becoming a Christian, you should meet them, know them.

It's an honour Pastors. *Salut!*

I'm proud to say that was the second photo I took using my phone in the lovely year of 2007. The first was this one:

Hee hee.

Oooh I have to show you this one!!

What a gorgeous photo of my dear leaders, Dom and Fifi!!
Don't you think they look gorgeous here?
So that's the Youth of the Year 2006 standing next to her predecessor, Youth of the Year 2002!
Hee hee. How wonderful.
No coincidence that they're both D'Zone leaders eh?

They're awesome people. Love em to bits.
My role models.

First time I'm ever uploading photos..cuz I finally figured out how to...and of course, they have to be of the most important people in my world!

Anyways, Create and Heart Awards 2006!!
It was a BLAST!
Only the days before that, I had waaaaaaaaaaay too much of Darren Yeowy Yeo.
Fellow partner emcee yeowy.

On the first few nights, our script went as far as ....
"Darren!"
"Liane!"
"Darren!"
"Snores...."
Haha!

But overrall I must say we did a pretty good job.
Though some funny parts no one laughed...
Ah well.

As what the Grammys and the Oscars would have ...

Evangelist of the Year: Valerie Cheong
Adriena Lim

Babe of the Year: Ian Lam

New Generation Award: Lim Jia Xin

Most Improved Player Award: Luo Hong Hwee
Christine Young
Cheryl Chan (Hui Min)

Attitude Award: Dexter Tan
Samantha Teo
Yassy

Courage Award: Tan Wei Kiat

Staff of the Year: Tan Jian Ming

Youth of the Year: Valerie Iskandar!!

Haha, it was really funny when the two organisers of Create and Heart Awards 2006 were the winners of the Staff of the Year and the Youth of the Year. Me and Darren were joking that maybe we should organise it next year..HAHA!

Well anyways, it's the first day of school, and to keep up my semestral tradition, I ended up in the wrong class.
But this time it wasn't my fault!
These monkeys switched my class and didn't inform me, when I checked Vista a few days ago it was still Stats, but now it seems I'm only doing Calculus.
Ah well.
At least I understand this Prof. Wooo~!

So anyways, good to see ya all babes again.

Will blog soon.

Off to do calculus.

Your love dispels all my fears

2006-12-13T09:00:00.000+08:00

Your love dispels all my fears.

Revelation of the day:

Today, God gave me this vision.
I saw a young girl walking with her father, and while walking, she fell down and hurt herself. Immediately, she looked up to her father for comfort and assurance.
Next, this young girl grew up. Only this time, she looked more like a man. This man now was at the frontline, commanding troops and fighting to protect his beloved father.

Powerful.

Why is it that this young girl suddenly grew to be like a man?
Pastors always said that we should be like men, like fathers and not mothers.
In the first few months or years of our Christian walk, we are like young girls, in need of love and protection. We have a first hand revelation of our Father's love, we live for our Father.

But as we grow as Christians, we need to be strong, like a man, and instead of simply living for our Father, we now die for Him too. We fight wars for Him, we protect Him, we love Him.

It's easy to live for Jesus.

But can you die for Jesus?

I will walk with You, in my heart.

Hey girl,
things aren't gonna get you down man. You're waaaaaaaaaaay stronger than that, and I believe in You. Most of all, Pastors and Dom and Fifi believe in you too. They love you so much! Everytime you're down and out, everytime your countenance falls, they're the first to ask what's wrong, and lead you back to God. They've given you a revelation of the Father's love. You've such great friends around you to love and protect you, what more could you want? Little things aren't gonna get to you, little discipleships aren't gonna make you want to give up anymore. Stand up. Stand up and fight like a man.

Love the process.

Let's start over. :)

Don't go down.

2006-12-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

What would you do,

When every single thing you touch rots,
when every single opportunity turns to fear,
when fear's root is insecurity,
when every single failure simply lures resignation.

Every single time something, no matter how small, fails, you feel like giving up?

Come on, you're stronger than that.

Love

2006-12-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

Many times in my life, my heart has been broken by those whom I loved the most.
I have a tendency to love people unconditionally, but these people are always the wrong people.
My heart would get broken time and time again. Till I reached a point where I refused to love anymore.

Heartbreaks hurt.
They hurt a lot.
I'm sure you know how it feels too.

But you know what's worse than suffering a heartbreak?

It's breaking the hearts of the ones you love the most, whom you know love you unconditionally.

Calculus

2006-11-23T14:00:00.000+08:00

Dictionary.com:
Help-less-ness.
1.unable to help oneself; weak or dependent
2.deprived of strength or power; powerless; incapacitated

Liane.com:
Help-less-ness.
Synonym:
1. Calculus
2. Economics

Times like these, you know satan is real, and you better believe that God's even more real.

I tell you.
I will look you in the eye and conquer you just like how I defeated econs.
You will not leave me feeling helpless.

Go eat grass.

Week 13.

2006-11-13T12:01:00.000+08:00

Didn't really have a good morning today.
Some stuff I found out in LTB (the class I dislike the most, along with Calculus) weren't too pleasant to the eyes.

I really don't like Mondays.

8.30 - 11.45am: LTB
3.30 - 6.45pm: Calculus.

Yucks.

Today was our last lesson, thank God.
Honestly, I don't understand how people can be so attached to LTB.
I think it's mostly because I only attended like, 7 out of 13 classes? Haha.
Seriously, to me, it's just another class in school.
I have learnt almost zero from this class, and I honestly think it's a waste of my time.
I really don't understand how people have been so emotional in this course, to the extent of making many mountains out of puny molehills too.
You thought so much into my words and actions, only to end up making yourself feel so emo and angry and miserable.
For what?
Ayee.

I'm really not a happy girl today.

New Skin!

2006-11-13T05:16:00.000+08:00

Wow.

I just read through all my entries from 2004 till now.

I think I've like, grown a lot.

HAHA!

Anyways, that's not the point.

I wanted a nice new blogskin so that I can finally post pictures!

And I will when I find out how to.

HAHA!

I need to find a job. I wish I could just work in church and stay happy, but I need the income. So advertisement here:

TUITION
EXPERIENCED FEMALE TUTOR OFFERING ENGLISH, MATHS & SCIENCE FOR PRIMARY SCHOOL (ALL LEVELS) AND ENGLISH / GP, LITERATURE AND HISTORY (SEC - JC) AT REASONABLE RATES. PLEASE CONTACT TWINKLEJINX@GMAIL .COM IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

Hee hee.
It's 5.20 in the morning.
I really should be sleeping.

You know something?
I'm gonna be a fighter.
This year alone, I fought 3 major demons, so there.
I'm gonna fight.

I really do love my Pastors.
It's amazing, fascinating, to watch them work.
They never scold people like the people in the world do.
They teach out of love.
You know by their words and by their actions.
Even after discipleship, they still laugh and joke with you to show you they still love you.
I love talking to them, fellowshipping with them.
My Pastors are just so amazing.
God-sent, God-given.
Oh man, Pastors rock my world!

Wow, that really woke me up, thinking about Pastors!
:)

D2 saw something amazing today, ask me and I'll tell you what.
So amazing.
Today, it finally occured to me that we are literally walking in miracles every single day.
So much so that we sometimes forget that we are.
Sometimes, I look around, and I see people coming into contact with Jesus for the very first time in their lives, and they cry and worship Him with all their hearts.
To us, it's normal.
For them, it's a miracle.
Wow.

I got so excited today!
I simply love going into every single person, one by one, impacting one life at a time.
It's one of the best feelings in the world!
I love it I love it I love it!
Woohoo!!

By the end of this year, I'm going to write a poem / story about Jesus, a good one, for the first time in my life.
Yes, the whole world thinks I can write really well, but that's not really true. Technically, I'm a critique, not a writer. I just criticise other people's work.
Heh.

December's coming up man!
We've got zone chalet, VBS, Christmas, Heart Awards!!
And not to mention, exams.
Bleah.
I love it man!
Gonna be so busy, then all geared up for the new year!
Awesome!

Oh speaking of which, I should really talk about SMU huh?
I realised that I haven't posted a single entry about SMU at all since I entered!
So here goes!

It's okay, like the whole new-ness of the place, the library rocks, and I love walking down the B1.
The food sucks though.
And it's super stressful in there.
Project after project after project.
Yucks.
I don't work that hard, it's not in me.
Haha.
But I love the fact that I can walk to church from school, and that I know so many church people in SMU!
Daniel Goh's great fun to bully, haha!
So anyways,
I'ma gonna go talk to my BEST FRIEND right now, seeya later!

Hope ya like the new skin..hee hee.

2006-10-24T13:21:00.000+08:00

As much as I (rather) dislike you right now, deep down (very deep down) inside, I still believe in you and hope you'll come back.

My future husband.

2006-10-09T14:37:00.000+08:00

I was just reading Fifi's (Valerie Fifi Iskandar, who happens to be the top 25 under 25 in Singapore, check out the Straits Times on Saturday p6!! hee hee).

And she was talking about what her future husband must be like, so I decided to talk about mine too!

Other than the usual must be from Heart of God, must be a leader in church etc...

1. He must be able to sing.
Come on, I can't sing, so who else can sing our kids nursery rhymes? And I once said that I'll marry any guy who can sing Phantom of the Opera to me..HAHA!

2. He must be very in tune with politics.
Hey, if I'm gonna be in politics...he better be able to communicate with me in that area!

3. He must be the intellectual and witty kind.
I have no idea how to explain it. I know it when I see it.

4. He must be working in church.
Church is a big part of my life..if I will not be working in church, my husband must be to keep me rooted.

5. He must be a fan of Manchester United.
No liverpudlians allowed.

6. He must be able to cook.
Okay, I don't mind cooking, so if he can't cook, he must at least be able to clean up. Hee hee. But then again, if he can't cook...who's gonna cook if I'm lazy to do it?

7. He must be exactly like Pastors.
:) I love my pastors.

hmm.

I can't really think of anymore. But I'm quite spot on when it comes to my type. I only have one type.

GO FIND GO FIND!! hee hee

Love.

2006-10-02T13:49:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love?

Like, REALLY in love.

Head over heels in love.

It's the best feeling in the world.

It is this love that puts that smile on your face (24/7!), that makes you feel like prancing around like a little kid and do the weirdest craziest things just because.

I'm in love.

With who?

I'm in love with my Pastors.
They're awesome.
I don't know how God planned for me to be in this church, but I'm DARN glad I'm here.
My Pastors are Pastors who are not afraid to disciple you because they know that it's gonna make you stronger.
My Pastors are people who would do anything for God.
They will give up anything for Him.
My Pastors will write cards to a congregation of 500 (and counting) to wish them a 'Happy Birthday', because they love every single one of us.
They provided support for me when they knew I had no money to pay for a million and one things.
They gave me a chance to work with the best team of people on planet earth, YOUTH STAFF!
They never gave up on me, despite all the horrible things I've done, the selfishness, the pride, the insubmissiveness, the list goes on...
My Pastors will create a new ministry just because they found one youth who's good at doing what he / she does best.
HOW ELSE CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE FASHION MINISTRY?? HAHA!
My Pastors think of the youths so much, even geographical distance can't stop them. (Bel, boris, toto...Pastors still think of you!)
There are a million and one things I could say about my Pastors.
But this is the one I like the best.
My Pastors are my parents.

The other day, I messaged something (it's personal!) to Pastor Lia.
At that very moment, I felt like I was a teenager (I still am!) telling mum about her latest crush.

I love my Pastors.

I'm in love with God.
My favourite time of the day is when I rush straight back home so that I can spend my 3o mins (from 11-1130) with God.
It's not surprising that I often exceed the stipulated time..and end up spending more than an hour in His presence.
I just want to linger on.
He's my best friend!
The first Person I turn to when I have problems, when I want to share something funny, when I have weird and random thoughts, when I'm feeling unusually emo..
He fills all of my needs.
I think I must look weird when I'm spending time with Him.
Because there'll be a huge smile plastered on my face, my arms lifted high, sitting in the middle of my bed in the dark.
It's the best feeling in the world.

I'm in love.

Yup.
It's undeniable.
Love makes you do amazing things.

ISABEL TAN.

2006-09-25T18:16:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of covering it up.

ISABEL TAN, I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY.

It's so strange not seeing you around in church.
There's like this vacuum, you can't see it, but you can definitely feel it sucking your whole being away.
I cried for DAYS before and after you left, and you of all people know how rare that is for me.

There's no one else for me to make fun of (other than Peck).
There's no one for me to call in the middle of the night and whine to.
No one around to ask me to 'Wake up your idea!'
Who's gonna be there to be my eyes?!
Who's gonna stand there and laugh when I make fun of Peck?

Who am I gonna share my problems to?
Who's gonna be my right relationship?

This is entirely cruel.
I feel robbed.

D4 is growing so well, Darryl and Cindy are so amazingly awesome..
I wish you could be here to see it.
I wish you could be here to witness the happenings in church, to be a part of something so amazingly exciting..so many exciting things happening!
I wish I could tell you about how awesome the MJC side is...and how SMU is just gonna explode.
I wish you were around for me to yell to when Pastors send me a message to make me smile, or when I get discipled and need to reflect to you to.

Argh..

So many things..

You're my first best friend!

Gosh, I didn't think I'd miss you this much, but I do.

Please come back soon.

Children of the next generation.

2006-09-20T11:35:00.000+08:00

You know, I never ceased to be amazed at how people change.

Perhaps when we were younger, we were more innocent.
Easily moulded.
More on-fire?
Filled with zeal, charged up and all ready to go.

So many have lost the fire.
So many have compromised, given up the fight, thrown in the white towel.

Perhaps it would have been better to leave us as children.

But you know what I've realised?
That the course of life is the biggest, toughest obstacle that we could ever face.
The one that could kill our innocence, extinguish our fire, and even turn us into cynical little brats.
The course of life, and it's ever-changing, colourful dish of temptations.
Did God really say that you could not have the fruit of this tree?
Did He really say that?
Hold on tight.
Hold on.
Cling on, don't kiss and say goodbye.
For what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.
And God doesn't ever test you with what is beyond your means.

That, is what truly determines who you will turn out to be in the future.

Don't fall away.
Don't give up.
Don't compromise.

Don't short change yourself on what you could possibly achieve.

The future is amazing. :)

Awesome God.

2006-09-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried
into the midst of the sea,
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling Selah

Wow.

I think this verse says it all.

:)

_______________________________________________________

God's presence is so addictive.
Over the past week, I've been in God's presence EVERY SINGLE DAY!
An amazing feat, if I do say so myself.
He is so amazing.
Go.
Go try it.
And don't stop till you get His presence.

Miracles are gonna happen.

Just you wait.

He can be grieved too.

2006-09-12T10:55:00.000+08:00

I still think of you.

In fact, day and night, I wonder to myself, if I could have done anything to make you stay?
But I realised, ulimately, the decision is entirely up to you.

You think this is going to be an emo post?
Well, no.
But the Holy Spirit has emotions too.
He can be grieved.
And my spirit is grieved.

I saw you today, and you looked different.
You don't carry the same smile, the same warmth, the same light-heartedness.
Now, your smile seems a little frigid, i sense coldness, and a heavy heart.

Our conversations aren't really the same anymore.
We used to be able to talk about such faith-filled things, about our lives in the future, about what we want to do for God, about how we're gonna reach out to our friends.
I felt like I couldn't even talk about these things with you anymore.

And all I could do was to pray, and pray, and pray and pray.
That I'll see you back in the race, grabbing that baton and running the marathon like we used to do together.
That the same smile, warmth, light-heartedness and faith would return.

Everyone has to go through this period of their lives, when they feel cold, dry, tired and disillusioned.
I went through that no long ago myself.
Perhaps you're going through something different, I don't know.
But one thing I do know.
Everytime I feel this way, I blast some praise songs, fill my spirit with faith, and read smses from my Pastors and leaders which can melt even the hardest, iciest hearts.

I'm always gonna be there for you.
We love you, Fifi, Dom, Pastors and I.
You're gonna make it, you've such a great future ahead of you.
If these are our thoughts, how much greater are God's towards you?

His hand is still reaching out to you.
Don't be afraid to take it.

Love you.

Why so downcast?

2006-09-11T11:20:00.000+08:00

You know, there are times when everything seems to be going downhill for you.
Or worse, sometimes things just go up, and down, and up, and down and up and down and up and down.............
You get the idea.

You can't seem to do anything right.
You can't breakthrough in THAT ONE AREA YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO BREAKTHROUGH IN SINCE GOD KNOWS WHEN.
You look around you, and find no one you can really share your problems with.
Maybe because it's considered the wee hours of the morning and the whole world is asleep.
And you seriously feel like giving up.
You are sick and tired of jinxing every single thing your fingers touch.

What do you do?

You look to God and remember the last time you encountered Him.
That awesome feeling filling your entire body, mind, soul and spirit.

You close your eyes and remember how your Pastors looked at you and said, 'We believe in you. You will make it.'

You remember this message, 'Hey liane, no matter what happens, just want to say that I LOVE U for who u are. Thank God for liane. :)'

And then you look up once again.

And you say, 'Hey, I get a problem every single day. It's 7 big problems a week, but just one day. I think I can handle that. No problem.'

If my Pastors and my leaders and MY BIG GOD have not given up on me, what gives me the right to give up on myself?

My God is a BIG God.
No problem is too BIG for Him.

You go Daddy.

Techno Bimbo Meets God.

2006-09-11T02:35:00.000+08:00

If you're here cuz of the great advertisement from Ivan Poh's blog...

THANKS VERN!
ya la, you're handsome la.

ANYWAYS.

Liane Ng is a self-professed techno bimbo.
How so?
She just found out (this year) that CTRL+C is copy, CTRL+V is paste.

My laptop has this strange habit of going on stand by mode after being unattended for more tahn 15 minutes, and every time it does this, I will have to shut down the whole laptop and restart everything.

Ya lah, I know you can go to settings and change some nonsense, but the problem is what nonsense.

Today, I encountered the same problem.
I was in the Art Gallery in church, worshipping, enjoying the presence of God, when I suddenly found that I could not switch songs as my laptop has gone on standby mode!

Then came GOD to the rescue!

He said, "Press F1."

Lights flickered on.

REVELATION.

Come on, let's all give God a big hand!

2006-09-06T11:43:00.000+08:00

LIANE!

BE BIG MINDED.

bleah.

Bouquets.

2006-08-25T14:02:00.000+08:00

Life's like a ball.
It bounces.
The deeper the fall, the higher the jump.

I'd just like to say somethings to some people right now.

To the most important people in my world right now.
And some others who've ceased to be important.

To you,
Thank you. You were there for me when I was at my lowest, you stood by me, you believed in me. You were my tower of strength, you were the hand I clutched tightly on, you were the one I called and cried to and sent strange messages to in the middle of the night. I showered me with so much love that I could not have imagined how I could have come out of this alive without you. You rushed down to meet me for dinner when you already had a tight schedule. You sent me such a sweet message in the middle of my break that I couldn't stop smiling to myself in the library and people thought I was mad. You have no idea how much all that meant to me. Thanks Fifi.

To you,
Thanks for being there 24/7. I think we've come a long way as best friends, gone through almost the same things at the same time. Funny how our main tests came at the same time, and we overcame at the same time. You've been an awesome friend, worthy of being my bestie! :) Thanks bestie.

To you,
I can't imagine how life will be like when you leave for Canada. We've come a long way, you know most of what's been happening to me. You always seem to tell me exactly what I need at the exact point of time. What with the time difference in Canada and all..haha. Swim over, start now. And prepare me a room. I'll fly over when I can. I'll buy Canada when I'm PM. Thanks bel.

To you,
I have nothing left to say. But I thank you for the experience, it's hard times which make us grow. And you did a great job at making it a hard time.

I'm back.
And I'm ready to take on the world.

Bring it on.

Daily thoughts.

2006-08-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

Why do I write?

I don't write for an audience, what you see here is not something that's meant for you (unless I say so, haha!), it's something that's meant for me.
Something that's part of me.
This is an extract of my everday thoughts and muses, penned down in a little box cuz I can't read my own handwriting.

Today's worship was awesome!
It was brimming with oil, the anointing of the Holy Spirit, and I could feel God right on top of me, and my fingertips were jus touching His.

Everyday we're faced with choices.
Is it gonna be sushi, or spaghetti?
Rice, or noodles?
Chicken, or pork or duck?
Chocolate ice-cream, or vanilla ice-cream?
Starbucks mocha frappe or caramel frappe?

And each day, the choices we have get narrower and narrower.
Making it seem as though there's really no difference.

Today, something interesting happened to me.
I was heading home (really early I may add) and I wanted to have a cheese sausage from Cavana at White Sands.
Then I wanted to eat portugese egg tart.
And then I remembered that there was crab, delicious, glorious crabs, waiting for me at home.
And I struggled.
I struggled and struggled and struggled to make a choice.
To quench and satisfy my immediate hunger?
Or to wait for the real stuff, to keep my appetite till then?

Funny.

Cuz those are the choices we make everyday.
Small, insignificant choices we believe will definitely not affect us in anyway.
But it really does say a lot about a person.

I used to be one who would satisfy my immediate hunger.
I want it now now now, and I only want that that that.

Today, I walked away from the cheese sausage and the portugese egg tart.

And I hope that tomorrow, two days later, next week, next month, I will walk away from something bigger.

It all begins with the small things.

Right relationships empower you.

WOOOSH!

2006-08-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Talk to me.

Yup, come on, dial my number, I've got two.

Double click on JINX! DECO* B'LIVE 180 ((ZONE-D)) [Girls' Weekend!].

Why?

Cuz I've got something really exciting to share with you!
What?
What what what what what?
What's that all about?

I could tell you of the energy that's just surging through my mind, body, soul and spirit right now.
I could SCREAM out in CAPS on msn, over sms.
I just wanna SHOUT on top of the mountains, over the hills!
Shout down the valleys, the oceans, the clouds and the treetops!

What's the excitement all about?

You should ask, what the excitement NOT about, cuz I'll take a much shorter time sharing all that!

I could tell you of how my great God, that BIG man upstairs, has just redeemed the whole world through His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross 2000 years ago!
I could tell you of how He's surpassed mercy, He's surpassed all human standards, and given us above and beyond what we deserve, giving us His mighty GRACE.
Grace that blesses us despite our shortcomings, despite His disappointment in us, despite the hurts we've caused Him.

I could tell you of how He told me just how much He loves me.
Just how much?
So much that He gave me a family who loves me, when I had none.
Love, that I craved for so much.
Spiritual brothers and sisters who look our for me, who care for me, who support me, who encourage me and who love me.
Spiritual parents who would lay down their very lives for our sakes.
Parents who've fought the fight, ran the race, and who continue running, fighting, preaching, ministering and loving.
Parents who are unafraid of the future, because they know that THE FUTURE'S GONNA BE AMAZING!

I could tell you of all the amazing people around me!
Of those who would lay up their CCAs, activities they love, friends they love, relationships they love, for a God they love even more.
Of sheep who can't stop sharing about how great their Pastors are, how great their families must be, how loving they are to each other.
Yvonne, that's you!
You're so awesome, you're so amazing, you totally excite me when I talk to you!
You're so hungry, so receptive, so willing to learn, so eager to run the race, to be at the front line, fighting and carrying the vision in your heart!
I can totally see your future in front of you, a future that's gonna be jammed packed with non-stop action!
God's gonna use you so mightily, you won't even believe what He's about to do!

I could shout on the mountain tops about my leaders, who would take time out to spend with me, despite a schedule tight enough to give you a free botox.
Leaders who would take that 1 hour out to spend with you, cuz they know that you really need their support at that point of time.
Of leaders who are unafraid to point out our weaknesses, nail them down and throw them out.
Leaders who do not find security in man's voice, but in God's.
Leaders who would fight alongside the Pastors, willing to give anything to support our spiritual parents, not only running with the vision, but carrying that very same vision in their hearts.
Convicted, determined, unafraid, fierce and strong.
Simply because they know that our God is so BIG, nothing can stop Him, and those He calls His children.

OH COME ON!
How can you miss out on such an exciting and amazing life?
CAN YOU FEEL YOUR SPIRIT MOVING?
CAN YOU FEEL THE MOUNTAINS TREMBLING?
Your spirit moves, the mountains tremble, the whole world is brimming with excitement, anticipation of the future!
THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE!
Get up onto your feet,
AND HOP ON BOARD!

THE FUTURE'S GONNA BE AMAZING!

Now do you understand what I mean when I say you're totally missing out LIFE?

;)

Anything man, anything.

2006-07-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

Don't ask why that's my blog title.

We just had a fantastic weekend, Heart to Heart with Pastors!
Talk about tear-jerking.
Just left me at the edge of my seat, absolutely awestruck.
Man, words can't describe it.

I'm gonna be a mighty ~~man~~ woman of God.
And my eyes are set on that sea of blue called MJC.
Woohoo~!

Seriously, how can anyone ever backslide from this church?
Never will you find Pastors like these anywhere else.
Never.
Pastors who are willing to lay down their lives for the kingdom of God.
Play Daytona with little boys.
Give up successful careers and bonuses for the ministry.
Love each and every single youth for who he or she is, regardless of what they've ever done in their lives.
The list just goes on and on and on.

Unconditional love.
The love of God.
The Heart of God.

You know, every where I go, every organisation I joined all believed that I'd be someone really successful.
They all said I had a great future ahead of me.
They all knew I was capable of achieving great things.
Yes, they had the faith.
But none of them had the patience to stick it out with me.
Not that I can expect them to.

But my Pastors did.
My leaders did.
Up till now, I have absolutely no idea why they did.
But because of that, I'm now able to do the same for others.
It's because of them, that I can be who I am today, and who I'll be in the future.
I owe my life to them.

I'm sold man.
I'm sold to my Pastors, to this church, and most of all, to God.

Give me a cause to die for, and I'll do it.

I found my cause.
Have you?

Boy Meets Girl.

2006-07-21T18:04:00.000+08:00

Boy meets girl.

Relationships are such funny things, aren't they?
That's because people are such funny creatures.
Relationships are complicating, because we complicate them.

Some people wonder why I'm so against getting into a relationship now.
These same people also wonder why church discourages relationships so much.
That's cuz I don't want to settle for second best.

Last night over msn, I was sharing with Fifi about some things, about a certain guy I used to like and things which happened along the way.
Nothing short of traumatising, I felt like I was reliving the entire episode.

Truthfully, it's a nice feeling to have knowing that you've got someone to lean on, someone to depend on, someone to shower you with lots of hugs and kisses all day.
You get that warm fuzzy feeling every time you're with that special someone, that person you're sure you want to spend your entire life with.
I mean, hey, even staring at that person for 3 seconds is fun.

I'm making assumptions here, I've never had those feelings before.
Really.
;)

So what's the big deal?
The problem with us humans is that we get emotionally attached and dependent on THE ONE.
Who may not be THE ONE after all.
I mean, honestly, how many THE ONES have you met?
How many relationships have most of us ventured into?
Once again, I add the disclaimer that I've absolutely no idea about any of this because I've no experience.
Did any one of them last?

Face it.
People aren't perfect.
We meet jerks all the time.
Jerks we keep mistaking for THE ONE.
Jerks who use and manipulate us all the time.
Maybe you're the jerk, I don't know.
But people hurt us.
So in the end, what we get out of the relationships are nothing but hurt, emotional distress, anger, resentment, confusion..the list goes on.
And may I add that all these lead to premature wrinkles, and in the case of some, unnecessary scars as a result of self mutilation?
So stupid.

I choose to rest on God.
God is perfect.
He knows exactly what I need, and at what time.
He gives me all the hugs and kisses and tender loving care any time, all the time.
10 seconds in His presence beats a lifetime in the arms of THE ONE.
Just give me 10 seconds, anytime.

As Pastor Sy Rogers says,
We all have appetites, it's simply a matter of feeding them with poison, or feeding them with nourishing food.

I'm not saying that relationships are wrong, horrible and downright sinful.
I'm not saying we should all be monks and nuns.
Relationships are beautiful, at the right time.
God's not someone Who wants to deprive us of all things good.
The bible tells us that His thoughts towards us are of good, not evil, to give us a future and a hope.
That every good gift is from Him.
It's just that us, being human, can't wait, and can't tell the difference between what's good and what's great.

Don't settle for second best.

And more than that, don't hurt Him by saying that He's depriving you of these things, and getting together with someone you know does not believe in Him and rejects Him.

He has feelings too.
That's how He loves you.
That's how much He loves you.

And yes, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Restructuring.

2006-07-20T09:16:00.000+08:00

In view of the church-wide restructuring, I did some restructuring of my own, in the form of my heart.

Out of the heart springs the issues of life, indeed.

I'm amazed at the things I found in my heart. Things I thought I'd never find, I found. Things I thought myself incapable of, I did.

God, once again I dedicate and commit my heart back to You. Let nothing else come in the way, for all I want is You, and more of You.

Turtles eat jellyfish.

2006-07-18T00:32:00.000+08:00

Matriculation Day at SMU.

Gosh, I felt swarmed.
Why do people always attack newcomers?!
Lucky I look scary..HAHA!

I was already planning on skipping the entire matriculation, but received a call from Daniel Goh saying I still have to make my way down.
I felt my world come crashing down.
Thank God for good friends though.
Heh.

Had to fill in 30000001 different forms, sign up for courses, listen to the seniors promote their booths...gosh. I hardly remembered anything or anyone.
Oh, but I remember one of the Acer salesmen.
He's 1.98m.
A bit hard to forget.

The worst part of today was attending one of the compulsory volunteerism talks.
Mine was on Waterworks or some thing like that.
I was absolutely bored.
The worst thing was that the room had no reception for Starhub holders, and everyone else's phones were ringing with the exception of mine.
I was annoyed.

Actually, the talk was rather amusing.
Listening to people sell their lives to an organisation which aims to protect water.
I was thanking God I've found a greater cause to die for.
Hey, I'm not saying anything against these noble people who protect our water.
But do you seriously wanna die knowing the noblest thing you've ever done in your life was to keep our water clean?
Seriously.

I wanna die knowing I've changed lives, transformed people, impacted nations and societies.
I wanna die knowing that God was able to use me mightily; that I was a good vessel.
I wannd die knowing that I gave my life so that others could come to know Him.
I wanna die knowing that I made a difference.

A thousand times I failed, so Your mercy remains.

2006-07-15T17:50:00.000+08:00

Ripped this off Marli's blog, just cuz it looks interesting.

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

Here goes.

1. I hate being stood up. It's my No. 1, ultimate hate; best way to trigger nuclear forces from within me. I get totally out of control when I'm stood up, be it a small thing or a big thing. In essence, I will go nuts. So now you know. ;)

2. When I'm depressed/stressed/upset, the first thing I think of doing is running home and sleeping under my bed. Literally, directly under my bed, squashed between the bed boards and the parquet flooring. Don't ask me why, I've no idea.

3. I can sleep anywhere, anytime. And I'm impossible to wake up. The only way to do it is to call my phone. Try me.

4. I used to hate Christians and going to church. The first time I went to church, I scared the living daylights out of everyone who tried to talk to me. Believe it or not, it was because I was shy. HAHA!

5. I used to believe all guys should wear make up. Once, I voiced this view in the midst of a couple of retrosexual-looking males, and boy you should've seen their faces. Priceless.

6. I used to hold on very strongly to the belief that girls who like younger guys are absolutely weird. Hmm.

I tag:
1. Gab
2. Fee Fee
3. Cheryl
4. Shu Yi
5. Joyce

What retardedness.

Headbutt.

2006-07-15T17:15:00.000+08:00

You know, the world can't seem to stop talking about Zizou's controversial headbutting incident.

Okay, maybe it's a little late for me to bring it up in my blog now, but that incident has given me some interesting thoughts.

Zidane headbutted that Italian scoundrel for insulting his mother and his sister. Then he's had to face the world about how it wasn't appropriate, unbefitting of a French icon, and most of all, that it cost France the World Cup. I must say, Zidane's response was rather interesting. He apologised to his nation for it's consequence, but he refused to apologise for his action, citing that doing so would mean he regretted it.

Honestly, I really do admire him.

Yeah, maybe he shouldn't have headbutted the guy on the pitch, and instead, given him a good thrashing one on one in the boy's toilet, but seriously, he showed the world that he was willing to stand up for his loved ones regardless of cost. He wasn't about to let the guy push him around or insult his family.

Wow.
How many of us can actually do that?

I remember there was once I overheard a couple discussing Christianity while I was heading home. To begin with, their language was not exactly pleasant, and to top it off, they were making comments like Christianity was appealing to youths because of the music, blah blah blah, $%&*@ punctuating their sentences. I was absolutely incensed, but I kept my peace, because I was too scared to stand up for what I believed in.

Hah.
What a chicken.
Even Zidane did better than me.

When soldiers tried to capture Jesus, Peter stood up and cut off the ear of the very first guy who tried to touch Him. He was promptly told off by Jesus, who said that those who live by the sword will die by the sword.

But look at the heart behind it.
It was screaming out, "You touch my Lord, you die."

Wow.
No wonder Peter was the first person appointed as the head of the church.

So this is my stand.
I'll headbutt the first person who dares insult my God, my Pastors, my leaders, my church, and all those I love.
Matarezzis of the world, Beware.

Time.

2006-07-12T00:14:00.000+08:00

Time.

She soothes that raging fire of change.
Sometimes, change isn't that bad.
Change has to come with time.

Sometimes, time's aplenty.
If not, time always seems to run out.
God grant us the wisdom to know when we should be patient, and when we need to make haste.
Most of us can't tell the difference between the two.
Even if we can, we wanna know now now now, we wanna satisfy now now now, we wanna have everything now now now.
If not, it's later, give me a minute, lazy, let's do it next week.

Time.
Amazing.
Rushes at the speed of light, yet crawls like a 400 year tortoise too.
The human heart always wants the best of both worlds.
How cute.

"Daddy look! Look at what I've given up! This, and this, and this and this and this! Now can I have that thing I've always wanted?? Now now?"
"It's better to obey than to sacrifice. Do the better of the two."

Indeed.

God intrigues me.

Change.

2006-07-11T15:48:00.001+08:00

Change is the only constant.

Gee, how true.

People change.
Things change.
Situations change.
The world changes, everyday.

Yet sometimes we live life like nothing's gonna change.
We don't schedule change in our planners, we don't expect change to pop out at us like a jack in a box.
But then again, it doesn't.
Change is really sly, it creeps out at you, bit by bit, only appearing when your eyes finally accept its presence.
And then we cry foul, raving that it was so unexpected, so sudden, so unbelievable.
Truth is, it never was.
Change is honest, it doesn't lie. It's our eyes and hearts who refuse to see it.

Remember that first crush you had?
Thought it'd last forever?
How many actually did?

Remember that friend of yours?
Thought he/she would never forsake you?
Still friends?

Remember that dream you had?
The one about being a pilot, astronaut, fireman, policeman, teacher?
Still wanna be that?

Change is constant.
Heed her warning. Follow her pattern.

I hate change sometimes.
Cuz when you finally see it, you just wanna kick yourself in the rear end.
I've had to bear with change too.
With myself.
With people around me.
Sometimes I thought I'd never be able to heal from the emotional hurt.

Thank God for Him.
He never changes.
Every word He spoke stands as still as a mountain.
Solid rock, Almighty God.

All too often, we forget about this thing called change.
It's tiresome to think about it, it's awful to bear with it's consequence.
But the next time you want to set your heart on something, remember this.
God is the only One change doesn't affect.
So set your heart on Him, He never falls away.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

GAB.

2006-07-11T00:09:00.001+08:00

Yup, I'm back here to blog again!

C5 just celebrated their dear CGL's birthday on Sunday, which happens to be 4 months late. It always happens. I was asked to write on one of their trillion cards stuck on his present, but I didn't write much. Was never good at birthday messages. In fact, when I msged KS his birthday msg last year, all it said was, 'Happy birthday KS. Thanks for saving my life', while bel's was about 3 msgs long, or so she said. But here goes, this is my msg for my bestest friend in the whole world!

Gab, thanks for being there everytime I needed someone to be there. Emo rides, starbucks, macs sundae before monday, dotA, uncle tangs..the works. It's been an awesome journey with you, and I know there's definitely way more to come! You're one of the people who knows me best, thanks for always assuring me that I can always count on you! You direct me to the right path, get me out of sticky situations, put up with my whining (now that's amazing, I thought only Esmonde was capable of that!) We've had the most hilarious and weirdiest conversations about the most retarded things on earth, but we've also shared some of the biggest dreams for God and His kingdom!

Honestly, I never thought you'd be one of the best friends I'd ever make, but you are! Really thank God for this amazing friendship, it's definitely worth a lifetime. Rock on bestie.

Happy 17th. You're getting old too.

Guess who's back?

2006-07-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

Alrighty!

I'm back with a brand new look, and internet connection! Woohoo!

Yes, I've actually survived more than 6 months without internet. *Applause*. Seriously, I've led life without money, internet, handphones, fridges, and currently, washing machines. Not having a fridge for more than a month was the worst; can you imagine not having cold water? Horrible experience.

France lost. Sigh. Every single country I supported fell out one by one. Spain. Germany. France. I think I need some serious counselling. Spain's gonna resurrect! World Cup 2010!

But hey, staying over in church was awesome! We watched the WC finals in the heart of the city, or at least we tried to, cuz most of us fell asleep before half time! Guilty as charged. Service was a blast! Everyone was dressed in jerseys, we had our faces painted, complete with noise generators of all sorts! Ain't no other church as rockin' as ours man! Pastor How was preaching about being REAL FANS, and it was amazing! Across the world you see die hard fans of soccer clubs, I'm a fan of Man Utd myself, but here, we're REAL FANS for JESUS CHRIST! Awesome!

I love my weekends! They totally perk me up for the week to come, they're like my sugar high! Being with the MJC gang is really awesome, they can be the crappiest people alive! And weekends never fail to bring forth a round of dotA or two..heh heh. Yes, I've only recently discovered the joys of this wonderful game, and I'm lovin' it! Played dotA with Dom, ongah, darren yeo till 3am on fri night! Funny how everytime I dotA till the wee hours in the morning, it's always with Dom..hmm.

I love my internet. I'm gonna start blogging real often from now on, so I'll see ya guys soon! :)

Here is my heart, make it Your sanctuary.

Ciao~!

2006-05-18T15:04:00.000+08:00

Oh my goodness.

I'm actually blogging! *Gasp!*

I've been working at the preschool for some time now (almost a month, and that's the longest I stay at any company/ school, haha), and I have come to a number of conclusions.

How to Survive in a Pre-School 101:
1. Have your breakfast. If not, some little kid's gonna have to do without.
2. Tell yourself everything about a child and everything that comes out of a child is prestine clean. Everything.
3. Focus on the child's face while cleaning up poop. Do not focus on the poop. (This requires nostrils of steel).
4. To man a heart of love, to God a heart of fire, and to self a heart of steel. You will be scolded on a daily basis.
5. Look down. Good for you if you're below 1.35m in height, cuz you're working in Lilliput.
6. Tell yourself you're working in the Arctic. Cuz you're expected to look presentable (not like a cleaner, as I've been told), but it's the Sahara in there (no air con!).
7. Smile. You work with small people (i.e. parents who call and complain when they think you're not smiling at them, asking your boss to sack you).
8. Have a Christian boss (who happens to have mood swings..)
9. Have a Christian colleague (who happens to be from CHC!!)
10. Love kids. Oh man, you really gotta love em.

Occupational Hazards:
1. You will come back smelling of either sweat and milk (if you're down on duty for making milk) or sweat and poop (if your kids poop a lot in the day). On good days, you might not even sweat!
2. You CANNOT sleep any later than 12 am and be alive. And even with this, you needs loads of God in your life. This is the not-hazard-but-really-refreshingly-good part. haha.
3. You will have to auto-pilot when you knock off; have a good Friend (refer to no. 2)
4. You do not want to run into anyone after work, unless they really really love you.
5. You have to wake up at 6.30am every morning. I think that basically sums it all up...

Things I've learnt about children (okay, this comes from teaching 2 year olds and tutoring priamry school kids):
1. Girls cry, whine and eat really slowly when they're 2. Boys play, eat really messily and are really quite dumb.
2. Boys don't study and are really lazy when they're in primary school ( I have a student who's fat, ugly, lazy and stupid. How can anyone be all of that!? It just makes you a useless lump of flesh! But we'll talk about that later). Girls study and are really sweet when they're at that age.
3. Girls get into depression and slit their wrists when they're in secondary school. Boys still don't study, play around, and play around somemore then.
4. Boys are now uber sexed-up and willing to study. Girls are still studious (most of em anyway), more emotionally stable, but now run the risk of getting pregnant. Hmm.
5. Men make better bosses because they're less rigid and more easy-going. Women can be really really unreasonable and a complete *beeeeeeeeeeep* (for more information regarding this, please refer to the head honcho at Meridian Junior College).

Conclusion:
You should have a kid who's a girl at first, turn her into a male when she reaches puberty.

Other things I've realised recently:
1. Spongebob Squarepants is the most brainless show ever produced on the face of this earth. But it provides true entertainment when you're at your most physically dead, serving to induce much delirious laughter despite your most recent wishes to just be dead.

2. Yakult is addictive. Beware.

Oh and lastly..let's talk about my kids!

Playgroup/ N1 class:
N1
Kua Mynn:
Affectionately known as Mynn Mynn.
Has the saddest face in the universe.
Is really pretty.
Cries a lot
Very manipulative (things she'd do just to get attention, tsk tsk)
Will grow up to be a really whiney little girl (your typical 'i lub euu velli muchxx' type)

Sabrina:
Doesn't talk much.
Eats really really slowly..like food's her worst enemy. (Gosh, WHY?!)
Smart kid!

Damien:
Is the most annoying little boy (apart from that fat, ugly, lazy and stupid boy I talked about earlier).
Is really useless, cuz he's scared of water and bubbles
Cries at everything.
Totally pampered (his grandfather was the one who called and accused me of pushing him, not smiling and being angry with the boy. i think he was also the one who said i look like a cleaner. boo you!)
Probably runs in the family, cuz his mum accused another teacher of 'snatching' him away from her, and his father called up saying 'How could you do this to her? Do you know she went home and cried the whole day!?' (then keep your son at home la, he's not that wanted here anyway.

Playgroup
Jing An:
Is the laziest piece of nonsense in the group
Also the smallest and most baby-like
Looks like a little monk

Leroy:
Has an elephant called 'Ele' (pronounced ellleee!)
Is really cute when you dangle his 'Ele!' like a carrot stick
Messiest eater in the group

Shanice:
Is really pretty
Probably runs in the family; her dad's really handsome and her mum's really pretty.
Has a barney called 'Barney' and a barbie called 'Barbie girl' (we have to do a temperature check on them too...)
Quarrelsome (especially with Alex)
Smartest in the group

Alexandra Stone:
Affectionately known as 'Alex' (duh.)
Very adorable!!
Fattest and chubbiest in the group, also the most groovy (especially when it come to bath time..)
For an ang moh, she's really good at Chinese!

Shawn:
My favourite!!!
Absolutely handsome and adorable! He's got the hugest most innocent looking eyes in the world!
Parents are both doctors (say 'whooaaa' with me now..)
Makes the funniest noises
Newest kid on the block
Really really really really cute!!

Okay, I think I've written a lot. Smelling of milk and sweat now (guess my duty). And off to teach that that that....boy later. Yucks.

Ciao

2006-05-16T17:14:00.000+08:00

Whoa, it's been a loooooooooooooong time since I last blogged huh?

Anyways, for some exciting updates, check out www.RedRain.sg!

Yup! They are a Christian rock band from New Zealand, rocking their way around the world, and they're stopping by Singapore this 27-28 May! Don't expect hymnals or great pipe organs (these only look good in Vienna, trust me), Christian rock is way cooler. Plus, I heard the drummer is really good looking (yes, I've seen him before on two occasions, but do you honestly think I can tell who's good looking and who's not?) So anyways, the venue's gonna be at Kallang Theatre this year, msg me for tickets! And grab em quick, I'm running out.

Loads of things have been happening (some of which should seriously not be published on this nonetity of a blog, haha). Jus a quick update of my life, yours truly is currently working at a pre school at Telok Kurau (Eunos), called Little Fellow Childcare. Yeah, I teach two year olds. They're adorable, and they believe anything you say (I told em that when you see a fish hanging upside down, they should call the fish ambulance). You'd be amazed at what they can do with Lego! You know, they actually make spinning tops outta them?! Gosh. And they can poop out some serious stuff man...though that's besides the point. On good days, I come home smelling like milk. On bad days....go figure.

Got into NUS FASS and SMU Social Sciences too! Decided on SMU in the end, cuz if I go there, Daniel Goh will be my class mate! Haha! And he's hilarious. My life's mission this year will be to get him to pon lecture by November (he's never ponned a single lecture in his life), or you can call me ng liane. lol.

Okay, I guess that's it for now. Esmonde, Ks, Dom, miss ya loads, get outta army soon!

I'm Yours.

2006-04-13T04:02:00.000+08:00

I'll stand
With arms wide and heart abandoned
In awe
Of the One Who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

It's been ages.

2006-02-23T06:05:00.000+08:00

Make bold those that you have done!

Graduated High School.
Kissed someone. don't remind me..
Smoked cigarettes.
Made out with someone of the opposite sex.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Collected something really stupid. spiders.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.
Gone fishing.
Spun turn tables.
Watched four movies in one night. i'm sure i have..i just can't remember when..
Gone long periods of time with out sleep. duh.
Lied to someone.
Been dumped. i do the dumping.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class. gee.
Dealt drugs.
Taken a college level course.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs
Watched someone die.
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.
Ran a marathon. snorts.
Had an eating disorder. does eating too much count?
Your parents got divorced.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Spent over $200 in one day.
Flown on a plane.
Cheated on someone.
Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been sailing.
Cut yourself.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.
Been to jail.
Had detention.
Skipped school. ha!
Got in trouble for something you didn't do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.
Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the "Harry Potter" movies.
Had an online diary.
Fired a gun.
Gambled in a casino.
Had a yardsale.And a lemonde stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to seaworld.
Attempted suicide.
Voted for American/Australian/Pop Idol.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year. i read more than 100 in a month once.
Gone to Europe.
Loved someone you couldn't have. i was stupid.
Wondered about your sexuality.
Used a coloring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM's/online conversations going at once.
Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Had a hamster.
Pet a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Gone surfing in California.
Did "spirit day" at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A's.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Your parents sent you to a shrink.
Been handcuffed.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Taken pictures with a webcam.
Started a fire. bio lab.
Had a party while your parents weren't home.
Gotten caught having a party while they were gone.
Done surveys like this to pass the time.

Nonsense.
haha.
Too many are in bold man...

2006-02-22T19:52:00.000+08:00

I’ve been looking through all my old sermon notes.
From City Harvest to Heart of God.
Still looking through them.
Noticed a trend.
The notes get longer. And less untidy (As I stop falling asleep in service..)

It’s truly been an amazing journey in Christ, in Heart of God Church.
Go, go read all your old sermon notes.
You’ll be able to draw a timeline of your life.
This is mine.

July 2004: Red Rain Concert in HoGC. I came to church for the very first time!
12 September 2004 (I think): I moved over from CHC to HoGC (because I couldn’t stop thinking about the only place which gave me such assurance that I was home).
End November/ early December: My first Overnight Prayer Meeting, where I also received my first prophecy over my destiny.
End November/ early December: Youth Camp!
12 December 2005: Church Opening Service! Lerren came to church for the first time!
25 December 2005: Christmas Service! Leon came to church for the first time!
End February/ early March 2005: I rose up into leadership (because I stopped being an insubmissive baboon).
End March 2005: Esmonde became my leader! :) :) :) :) :)
Early May 2005: A soldier of Christ defected. Lots of tears over the next few weeks.
June 2005: Emerge!
June/ July 2005: Shu Yi came to church for the first time! :)
3 July 2005: The soldier returns. Lots more tears.
31 July 2005: Academic Excellence Sunday! My parents came to church for the first time!
28 August 2005: Joy came to church for the first time! :)
Months thereafter: A levels! Ah! Got closer to Peck, Bel and Joyce. :)
9 December 2005: Yong is the first to go into army. ( one SODA member down..) :(
14 December 2005: BIG Camp! (also a low point in my life..)
25 December 2005: Christmas Service! Ming Han came to church for the first time! :)
31 December 2005: Heart Awards! Rock n Roll!!
6 January 2005: KS goes into army. :( :( :( :( :( rarr to the nation!
January 2005: Tanoto goes to Indo! :( :( :( :( (lost yet another SODA member..)
12 February 2005: A whole truckload of MJCians came to church for the first time! Eugene, Zhi Qian, Daryl and Hsiang Yin!
19 February 2005: We celebrate Dom’s birthday! Daniel came to church for the first time! :)

I missed out so many things in this timeline.
The sermons which really spoke to my heart.
Some of my other pitfalls.
And so on.
The people who backslidded.
The people who were saved.
The lives that were changed.

These things which moulded me into the person I am today.
From the cold hearted *doooooooooooooooot* that I used to be, to one whose heart is on fire for Jesus.
From the insecure little girl that hid within me to the (slightly more) confident person that I am.
From short, spikey red hair to long(er) black hair.
From hating kids to teaching hearing impaired, intellectually challenged, primary school kids.
And loving them. :)

Wow.
This IS the greatest game of life.
Beats DOTA, SNK vs Capcom, Tekkens 1-5 and all that nonsense anytime.
Hey, it even beats shopping. :)

I love my life.
I love God.
I love running the race.

It’s gonna be an amazing AMAZING year.
Think Big.
Grow Big.
BE BIG.

I have a BIG GOD.
And I’m gonna be a BIG person.

Breakthrough.
I can almost smell it.
Unworthy 30.

:)

I’m lovin’ it!

Nonsense

2006-02-16T08:32:00.000+08:00

What nonsense.

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover. He/She needs to mention the sex of the target.
2. Tag 8 victims to join this game & leave a tag on their tagboard saying they've been tagged.
3. If tagged a 2nd time, there's no need to repost.

Okay, since Joyce has tagged me, it's 8.30 in the morning and I'm rather free, I shall amuse myself.

Male. Contrary to popular belief.
1. Must be a Christian from Heart of God Church. We've got the best guys.
2. Er. I go for the intellectual kind. Witty, intelligent kind. And no, it's not Esmonde. He's a different kind of witty and intelligent.
3. Must be able to sing. I know I can't sing, but that's my problem. He must be able to sing, or else we can't teach the kids nursery rhymes.
4.Must be a soccer fan. And not from Liverpool. Manchester United fans are definitely preferable.
5. Must love politics.
6. Please try not to be younger than me? Haha. Shut up.
7. Er.....this is getting tough. Oh oh oh! Must love my leaders and my jie meis. Dom, KS, Esmonde, Bel, Peck, Joyce.
8. Need not be good looking. I'll usually think the person I like is very good looking, so no issues here.

How do you classify this?!

I tag everyone who reads this.

2006-02-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

Now that I'm blogging, I've no idea what to say.

Oh yes, I'll just start with this.

Birthday wishes to Ying and Wei Tze!

Ying:
Hey mei, looking forward to our shopping spree on Wed! It's been great knowing ya, love our hugs too! Running this race with ya's gonna be awesome! Love you loads! *big fat da jie hug*

Wei Tze:
Hey best fren, thanks for being there at one of the lowest points of my life. Been learning lots from you through recep and other crazy times together, and definitely looking forward for more! Pretty much said everything I needed to already..so rock on!

aiya.

lazy to blog.

talk next time.

seeya!

New Year!~

2006-01-05T12:23:00.000+08:00

Oh my.

I'm finally blogging!

*throws confetti and pops champagne*

F.Y.I Liane has not been blogging due to the lack of a computer linked to civilisation (a.k.a internet) at home. Wonder how she survives.

Anyways!

So many exciting things have been happening at Home! (this, of course, is referring to my home at dhoby ghaut).

BIG Youth Camp.
Christmas services.
Heart Awards.

Wow! I can't begin to tell you what happened at each event (though I would very much love to), cuz it would take a lifetime to complete! :) :) :) :)

Just blogging around a few moments earlier, and there were so many entries from people reflecting on the year 2005. This is mine!

Year 2005 was one exciting year for me! Lots of heart aches, lessons learnt (i.e. discipleships..), tears and joy. I've gained groups of simply fabulous friends, the Star of David Alliance, the Best Friend Club, the Unholy Trinity (who is working towards holiness..we should name it the Nearly Holy Trinity), D1, D'zone!! and so on...despite losing some in the process. But hey, I love these people, you can't get them any where else! Can you imagine two Isabels, two Pecks, or two Joyces? The horror. Haha! What's even better, the Best Friend Club gained in membership towards the end of the year..it welcomes Jamie and Wei Tze into the club! *waves*

I must talk about Youth Camp.

It was fabulous! I broke through in abilities, and played soccer for the first time in my life! Woo hoo! Though I was soon substituted by Finnan (within 5 minutes of play time)..but that's not the point here. Plus, I HAD THE POWER (cue reverb) cuz I held the camera and video cam. Heh heh. Took lots of retarded shots and videos. Oh boy did I feel powerful. Services were absolutely AMAZING! I won't share this cuz it's really personal, but I never cease to be awestruck by the presence of God. It's totally addictive, I can't imagine how one can experience the presence of God and forget how it felt like the week after. Or push it away as a surge of emotions, it being "all in the mind", "it's the music", "it's not for me". You know it in your heart, you just gotta accept it in your mind. ;)

Christmas was fabulous. I had no money to buy anything for anyone at all..but to all you people who received the green Christmas cards, you guys are really important in my life. Haha. I meant to get more..but I ran out of greenbacks (what's new).

Heart Awards!
I danced. I danced in retro clothes. It was quite amusing when we all noticed the pink polka dotted tube top, the (ugly) white fluffy skirt, the white patent shoes and the pink beads all belonged to me. Can you believe I used to wear all those. Gee. Jesus not only saved my life, He saved my dress sense too. Rocks man. It was the BESTEST countdown ever! Before the event, I went shopping with ESMONDE in town! I've a handsome leader now! He got a fab new haircut, a pair of jeans from Far East, a pair of exciting new shoes at Beetle Bug and a white singlet (for purposes better not mentioned), another pair of jeans, a belt and a really pretty floral shirt at Topman! Handsome leader! Haha! Everyone went crazy jumping around during praise and worship, then jumping around somemore after Heart Awards! You should have seen the mass of knocked out bodies after supper. Who needs to club when we have better music, better company and clean air? :)

Oh, just as a side note, I'm currently working at Great Eastern Life doing some admin stuff. The job's boring, but it's situated at one of the most exciting places in town! It's right opposite where I used to live, Upper Pickering Street, near Hong Lim Park. Hong Lim Complex has the BEST food; think ipoh hor fun with hugey prawns and two enormous portions of crayfish for $4. The view is fantastic too, it's right next to renovated shophouses and places like China Square. And, I've found this exciting shop called Acts, which is like a bigger version of Life bookstore, complete with a cafe. I love my workplace man. Not the work though. Can hardly keep awake.

Since I'm here..

Shoutouts to loved ones:
KS - You're going to army soon! I know you won't read this, but I'll tell everyone who does anyways. I love you!!! We're gonna breakthrough!

Esmonde - Handsome leader! Get contacts k?! And no, I'm not piercing. Love you anyways. :)

Dom: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASLAN! I faked sick (not exactly, cuz I have been crapping alot recently..) to celebrate your birthday today! You've been one fantastic, awesome leader man! Love you to bits too!

Shu Yi: Oh man, my pride and joy. You're gonna rise up and reach people for Him! WT by June yeah? ;) Walk on water girl. Loving you loads.

Joy: My joy!! Loves. :)

Oh man.
Year 2006 is gonna be one amazing year.
Breakthrough!!
I love my family.

Leaving you with something I saw at Acts.

"Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back."

Till next time. ;)

2005-11-18T08:54:00.000+08:00

After searching through my thoughts I realised that I've lost a number of things.

1. safety net
2. bed
3. sponge
4. sanity
5. automatic stabiliser

safety net + bed + sponge + sanity + automatic stabiliser = best friend.

If that equation adds up correctly,
I think I've lost a best friend.

I can't tell you how sad I feel.

Yet, I know I've gained so much more.
I've gained a God that knows everything, can do everything, gives everything.

He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep, and gains what he cannot lose.

God gives exceedingly, abundantly and beyond all we can ask or receive.

I believe in that with all my heart.

A levels.

2005-11-10T14:25:00.000+08:00

This is IT.

I start my As tomorrow (yeah, so sue me), and so far the only reviews of the past few papers revolve around the words 'die', 'killer' and 'retake'.

I dread the papers.

Though I have no idea why I still feel so calm.

Whatever it is, I'm sick and tired of my own lack of faith and whatever emotions I've left in my system.

I will believe.
I will do well.
I WILL get my As.

Now, this is what I'm going to believe in till the end of the As.

(try not to speak to me after the papers..)

Love life.

2005-10-28T21:00:00.000+08:00

you read about people and their love lives.
drama.
thriller.
tragedy.
comedy.
heh.

here's mine.

i love Him,
He loves me.

the end.

Muggerita.

2005-10-10T15:47:00.000+08:00

This is Liane's alter-ego aka Muggerita speaking.

Liane, you have some serious issues you need to settle. Of course, me being me, I'll start with the academic ones first. What in the world are you doing in the school library blogging?! Yes, I know your internet access at home is down, but I thought that that little tweak from yours truly would stop you from going online. And, what are you doing thinking of Stairway to Heaven (Korean drama my mum got me addicted to) whilst studying the economic impacts of SEA?! Have you lost your mind?!

And,

I haven't even begun talking about your other issues.

REFLECT LIANE REFLECT!
CONCENTRATE!!
STUDY!!

Oh gosh, I've seriously gone the way of the cuckoo bird.

Sexed-up world

2005-09-27T18:31:00.000+08:00

It's the third time I'm updating today, but heck.
I need to let something outta my system other than forex.

It's a sexed-up world and I hate it.
I hate it I hate it I hate it.
Look at our language.
What has it degenerated to?
Everything has sexual connotations to it; what has happened to our beautiful language?
And you know what's the worst part?
We don't even know it; either that, or we don't care.
Even my language used to be dotted with vulgarities.
But now when I hear it, my whole spirit rumbles in protest.
It disgusts me.
I surf blogs, people sign off with words suggesting disgusting images, relish in the images of sluts, pimps, whores, orgasms and what not.
Go ahead, spruce up your sex appeal, that's what's important yeah?
See how 'sexy' you remain at 80.
If syphillis doesn't get you first.
Even television programmes encourage pre-marital sex; what, it's okay as long as you're of a legal age? Naturally, the population comes first.
Yeah, I seriously hope you do take the future death tolls caused by STDs and abortion rates into account; or do they add to a much needed population boom?

In case you're wondering why I'm so mad, it's because of a twin catalyst effect of 'adult friend finder' pop ups and disgusting images from blogs belonging to Christians.
Yes.
Christians especially.
"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that i tmay impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Ephesians 4:29-30
I can't find the one which talks of how corruption and impurity of the spirit will drive you out of the house of God.

Please.
He died on the cross for us.
The least we could do is not embarrass Him.
Don't stumble others, please.

Found

2005-09-27T17:20:00.000+08:00

I found her! :)

Clearing the noise.

2005-09-27T10:34:00.000+08:00

Two days ago, I actually wrote a really long entry about freedom.
But I fell asleep on my comp and it never got uploaded.
Ohwells.

I feel a need to clear my mind of some of the noise it's been polluted with recently.
Forward march.

A bed full of roses to break your fall,
Tells a story of mine, though not as tall
As one often told by men who tease
Yet, on to the story, if you would please.

This was originally written for someone special.
Interesting that she, of all people, brought back my long-lost muse.
But I can't finish the poem.
I guess things have happened, too numerous to track, too tiring to recount.
I'm letting go of it now, maybe you'd like to finish it off for me.

I remember the balloons, the date is drawing near.

School started yesterday, I've never felt more depressed and despondent (actually I have, this is just to add to the effect) about my results. It didn't look good, after all the hard work I put in. Usually I'd head home for a nice long nap to forget all these, but I wanted to find strength in my Lord. And it was amazing.

I recall the last time He led me to Hebrews, the chapter titled "The just shall live by faith". Yesterday, He led me to that very same chapter. It was amazing, and filled me with tremendous faith once again. For without faith it is impossible to please God. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. If I can't even hang on these promises, I assure you, there's nothing else I could hang on to. I started playing the song titled "Free" on my comp and looked like a fool dancing around my room (don't let your imagination run wild). I was liberated in Christ! It was awesome, absolutely amazing.

Lord,
Many things seem impossible now,
For time has caught up with me.
I'm surrounded by disbelief and despondency,
Hopelessness and dejection.
But in You I draw strength,
To you I bring faith
And I know that the glory of the Risen Lord will fall on me.
Rejoice!
For in You nothing is impossible.
The chains of disbelief shall be broken,
The weight of desondency and hopelessness lifted;
And the pain of dejection soothed.
The confidence in myself has been slayed,
Now the only confidence left is Yours alone.
Father, be with me now,
And see me through this time of trial.
Remember me, O Lord,
Your humble servant.
Amen.

In faith, I see three As. :)

Loving people.

2005-09-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable to you.
- Heb:13:17 -

I feel really blessed that I have such great leaders above me.

Pastors.
Dominic.
KS.
Esmonde.

Receive a prophet and you will receive the prophet's rewards.

Sometimes I watch my leaders, and scrutinise the way they lead their lives. Some things they do may appear trivial, mundane or routine, but each action is, in reality, embedded with deep meaning behind it. Every act, an act of worship for God. Wow. I want to adopt this kind of lifestyle, where each and every action of mine justifies my being called a child of God. Every act, an act of worship.

I need to love people more. I WANT to love people more. I know my heart is hardened, I'm afraid to open it up and allow it to be left vulnerable. But we are called to love, for if Jesus could love even those who crucified Him, we are left with no excuse not to love others. I want to love people like how Esmonde loves people, like how he makes time to go out for dinner with his sheep, even during the exams. I want to love people like KS, who'd be the first to shove a Robitussin down your throat if you have a sore throat. I want to love people like Dominic, who makes himself a part of his sheeps' lives despite his busy schedule. I want to love people like Pastors, who obeyed the word of God immediately and set up this church.

Love.

Soften this hardened heart, O Lord.

Missing Person; Loved One

2005-09-21T03:35:00.000+08:00

I'm filing a missing persons report.

Any one who knows the whereabouts of Teresa Ng, please call me!

It's 3 plus in the morning, I have two papers later, but I really really need to find Teresa cuz I remember all our crazy times and I totally miss her loads. I love Teresa!! Now come out!!

Okay.

She will appear.

Teresa where are you?????!!!

Joyce's house.

2005-09-07T11:32:00.000+08:00

Yes, I do recall my promise to post a crtique of sorts of 'The Last Samurai'.

What a beautiful piece. Perhaps it's a blessing that KS is my leader (okay, maybe not perhaps); I wouldn't have picked up this movie otherwise. I never did understand the meaning or notion of war, not till after watching this movie. Watching how the samurais fought with such single-mindedness and devotion is simply amazing. You want to talk about honour? Watch the samurais.

If men are willing to die for other men, what more I for my God?

Went over to Joyce's place yesterday to care for the poor girl who sprained her ankle (though my efforts were tragically mistaken to have other intentions), and ended up watching another movie. Dead Poets' Society.

*deadly still silence*

Yes, I am in fact, taking Physics, Chemistry, Maths and F Maths. The whole History, Literature and Econs combination was but a mere facade.

I have no life, get over it.

Aside, Carp pe diem!!

I hate social orders. I hate the almighty system. It strangles individuality, it kills life and smothers passion with a goose-feathered pillow. Oh yes, but we must follow the orders, for it is there for a reason! I even vaguely remember being told off, 'You have no respect for the system!'

The system, is not alive. Come on! Get over it.

Sorry, I just had to let that out.

Sometimes, I wonder if I do certain things to serve self-interests. I believe so, it seems a recurring habit in me when certain unfortunate things happen. It's time to get the 'ol whip a-kicking.

What a disgustingly, uncomprehendable post. I like.

Doth eyes fettered by night's untruths;
Let not man be called a fool.
(I have no idea where that came from)

Adieu.

You're beautiful.

2005-09-05T18:41:00.000+08:00

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw the Christ.
Of that I'm sure.
He smiled at me on the subway.
He was with 12 other men.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

(chorus)
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw Your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause Your love for me is true.

Yeah, He caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
He could see from my face that I was,
flying high,
And I know for sure, I'll see Him again,
And He gave me a love that will last till the end.

(chorus)
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw Your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
You're beautiful,
You're beautiful.
And it's time to hear the truth
I will always be with You.

(La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la, Laaah)
There must be a Christ,
with a smile on His face,
when He thought that I should be with Him

You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be a Christ with a smile on His face,
When He thought up that I should be with Him.
And it's time to hear the truth,
I will always be with You.

Beautiful song, ain't it?
;)

Just watched 'The Last Saumurai.'
Fantastic movie.
Will blog about it later.

today.

2005-08-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

yeah.
today (meaning the 26th of Aug, according to my clock.)

today sucked.

it just gets worse each year.

don't even wanna talk about it.

no sorries for sounding like this, i'm really upset.

18th birthday tribute.

2005-08-25T12:40:00.000+08:00

Pardon me, I'm not one with the creative juices.

Its been (almost) exactly a month since I've last blogged (shows you what the school has been doing to me?), and then I realised that its gonna be my birthday tomorrow! How exciting.

Oh yeah, I've changed my blog template to commerate this exciting occasion. It's much more me.

To mark this, whatchamaycallit, birthday, I've decided to pay special tribute to the people who've changed my life in the past year. In no particular order:

Church peeps
KS: Hey boss. 'Thank you' hardly sums up my gratitude to you man. You single-handedly turned my life around, bringing me back home and shaping me into the person I am today. You're my leader, my spiritual brother, my second saviour, and a great confidante. Thanks man.

Esmonde: Hey leader! It's been great working with you for the past few months. It's been really refreshing being led by you and I look forward to many more discipling the next few months. Thanks for being there, taking care of me and lifting me up to a whole new level of faith.

Peck: Eh un-rocker fella. Thanks for all those nights you had to hear me whine and growl and throw my tantrums. It's great to know I can always count on you for a listening ear. 'Anytime you need a crack, I'll be your nut.' I'll never forget that, lame as it sounds. Haha!! Rock on babe.

Bel: Heya best friend! I look forward to many more nights when we'll just call each other and stress out, cuz of sheep, leaders, tuition...the list goes on. Bimbo or not, it's been great working with you this year man! Haha, loves ya loads babe.

Joyce: Bimbo ultimate. Past sins, watching fighting couples and engaging in hell-worthy shopping. Looking forward to more escapades in the coming year. Reporter you, PM me. Write good stuff yeah, I'm counting on ya.

Shuyi: My dearest meh meh. It's fantastic seeing you grow in the house of God, many more things await you! You've a real exciting destiny ahead, I can see it. Keep running, I'll always be there for ya.

Ying: Dearest mei!! haha, I just had to add your name in the list! Loves ya loads girl!!

Dom: Then childhood sweetheart, now zone leader! Watching you lead us is really amazing! Thanks for being a great inspiration and role model. :)

D1, D2, D3 peeps, love ya all too!! :) (this is a sign that we're growing waaaay too big!!)
________________________________________________________________________

Council mates
Jiayan: Darling!! Wow, I would've never expected to be best friends with you, of all people. Loud, over-excited kcian bunny you. Looking back in the past year, I realised that most of my crazy, wacky, outofthisworld times are spent with you! I'ma looking forward to our dinner date today!! Loves you loads girl. Heck the As.

Naturkey: Yo turk. Loves yoooooooo (wait lemme translate that, goooooble gooble gooooooooooble ble)! Yeah, feathers and all. Whole package. haha!

Guan: Ahem. Whether or not a certain someone is around.......hope to see ya in church soon! Haha! Thanks for all the wacky times!!

kha mar kur (happy birthday to you too!) sush fei jay stuck kumar (tuesdays with kumar?) halim ks sufi wanling (blazers.....) Loves you all too! Just too lazy to type out all...heh.
________________________________________________________________________

Classmates
Ruffles: Hola bro! Thanks for getting me a gift so early...and yes I'm glad they're not boxers. ;) You still owe me a diamond ring if the gift ain't good k? Haha! Thanks for being there when I needed someone to stand by me. You've been a great friend.

Sam & WY: Thanks for all the times man....countable simply cuz I pon waaay too often. Haha!! Loves ya loads.

Julie & Liz: Heya babes. Julie, it's been what, 10 years? Haha. Liz, the last few months of 2004 were memorable. Thanks for everything, esp Julie, who's had to put up with my crap. Wish things could have turned out better though.
_______________________________________________________________

Teachers
Ms Ee: Hey babe! Thanks for teaching me fear and submission, I hardly think I could have learnt it from anyone else. ;) Think I've said enough the last time we spoke (which was a loooong time ago), so I won't nag. You're still the hottest thing in MJ though, no worries. ;)

Ms Yong: BOO! Thanks for all the treats, shopping and the carebear (I still haven't named it, it's just called 'the carebear'). Sorry for all the trouble I caused..you know what I'm talking about. And thanks again for being there. Loves ya. *HUGS*

Mr Pang: I don't think you're gonna read this, but WHY IS THE MOCK EXAM ON MY BIRTHDAY?!!!!! Grr, I could kill you if you weren't sucha fantastic teacher. Thanks for being YOU. Haha! I will be your A student! And you'll be glad to say that you once taught the PM of S'pore in about 20 years' time. Would you like to be my Minister for Defence? *sniggers*

Madam: I will get a C for my prelims, A for my As. Really.
________________________________________________________________________

Others
Dan: Hey best friend. Thanks for loving me the way I was and the way I am now. It's been a pleasure knowing you, not to mention, great fun. :) Tiggers are still very much alive and loved.

Marli: It's been 6 years best friend! Loves you loads man. Looking forward to greater times ahead. ;)
________________________________________________________________________

18th birthday. Quite bittersweet.

I remember the things I've lost (of whom 3 names are espcially sensitive), and the things I've gained, sometimes wondering if all I've done is worth it. But I as type the last, and shortest tribute to the most important Person in the list, I know it is....and much more awaits.

Thank You, Jesus, for everything You've done. I love You.

17 going on 18,
out.

of things which have hung on my mind.

2005-07-26T21:16:00.000+08:00

I do like this new blog template. I wonder how long it'll last though, cuz I'm already thinking of switching back to my Chinese gangster one.

In any case,

I was reading an article about blogging in Life! today, not much of a surprise since the world has been taken by storm by this apparently new phenomena. Mass emailing, online diary, propaganda, call it what you like, but seriously, I don't understand the need to constantly debate about it (paradox fully intended). The challenge about blogging is about putting your ideas/opinions/thoughts across to the relevant parties without revealing much to others you don't give two hoots about.

And that's exactly what I'm going to attempt today.

There are a couple of thoughts that have been weighing on my mind today (reason for that headache perhaps?). Lessons continued as per normal (discounting the happy free period we received this afternoon with images of Supermadam hanging on our consciences, or the lack thereof), but it just struck me how much it has evolved from last year. Last year, I had a lot more friends. Now, don't for a moment collect the wrong impression; this is not some sob story about how lonely I've been feeling or how sad my life has been. On the contrary, it's been more fulfilling than I've ever remembered it being. It's just sad to know that some of these friendships have been lost because of misunderstandings, miscommunications and my inability to manage time. And now, it's almost impossible to get these back because of the dragon called pride. Ah yes, pride indeed will come before a fall...I wonder how deep this fall will be. Sorry if I come across cold and dismissive, and pardon me while I try (very hard) to shoo Mr Dragon Pride out with my last dusty broomstick.

While contemplating this, I was reading one of my favourite blogs (favourite because it gives me such happy vibes), and once again, this belongs to one of my old friends. There were times when my name used to pop up every few sentences, and days where we would be so excited to see each other that we would jump over benches screaming as though we've been separated for 10 years. Friends are spacial, as my pastor once said, and I think perhaps, I don't have the privilege of filling up that space anymore. Before time builds a bridgeless ravine between us (pardon the lame poetics), allow me to attempt to salvage this. Mr Dragon Pride ain't getting no where near this one if that's the last thing I do. Darling, still love ya loads. I believe this friendship has substance, and sincerely want it to last.

An incident occured just yesterday (or was it the day before?) which put me in an interesting moral dilemma. Torn between my spiritual beliefs, concern for a friend and selfishness on my own part. Good thing is, I can still separate and discern the three, bad thing is, I know exactly what's happening and I don't like it one bit. I almost wanted to set my msn nick as 'let us ride the ferris wheel one last time', before I realised that we've never sat on a ferris wheel(someone kill Ms Romantic). As much as the friend in me is struggling to get out and say 'Great! I'm really happy for you!', my spiritual beliefs is suppressing it rather successfully. I still stand by what I said a few months back (if you would care to recall) and perhaps the sentimental (i.e. selfish) me had hoped for a turn of events. One day, all of me would be binded as one, with the spiritual taking dominion of course. Yes, I'm fervently working towards that blessed day. I know when you read this a few weeks' (if God blesses me with a miracle) or months' (if I'm lucky) time, you'd call and demand to know exactly why I'm feeling or thinking this way. Dear, I won't be able to remember by then (I'll will it if I must) so you'll just have to gather what you can from this short paragraph I'm dedicating to you. You'll always be my best friend.

Actually, come to think of it, I am rather sad. It's a distant, faraway sort of sadness though. Sadness felt by the Liane I've long since left behind.

Just to inject a little sadistic humour in this entry, I realised that I have 6 econs essays, 5 history sbqs, 3 history essays, 1 GP compre and that's discounting those I have no idea (as of now) that I have to complete. Cue sadistic laughter.

Its great to know I'll always have You to hug, You to fall asleep with at night, You as my Lord and Saviour and of course, You to ride my imaginary ferris wheels. Its been great serving You, and not to mention, an honour. Thank You for bestowing me with this honour, my Lord. Let me never to stop loving You.

A Love Worth Giving.

2005-07-26T00:27:00.000+08:00

I am so glad my blog has decided to start being nice to me and start speaking the lingua franca; eengaleesh. A moment of silence to commemorate this special occasion please.

Yes yes, I do realise that I have not been blogging in a long time. Realised that when a certain individual questioned why I sounded so angsty on my last entry and I was like 'Whaa...?' Been busy with school, homework..the works.

You are the word, I am the smith.
Translation: Tutors say, 'Tutorial due!', I reply 'Yes Ma'am!'.

Sad state of being, this is. It is to my greatest delight that I returned to school on Friday (missed two days of school due to muscle and nerve tensions, but more of that later) discovering that I missed the laister's yearly (or semesterly?) Doomsday delivery. Not only would that have been highly ineffective on me, it would have probably succeeded in her treading on my last nerve (think painful nerve tensions).

I do want to do well. And (much to anyone's surprise), I am working hard for it. Think making my 20 hours actually count. Tonnes of econs essays. Oh boy. I really hope I see results this time. O levels was a bad bad experience..a repeat is definitely not desired.

School life summed up in two paragraphs.

I was reading one of Max Lucado's books, A Love Worth Giving. Wow, talk about inspirational. Yes, this dry bone is definitely in need of a guide ('A Dummy's Guide to Loving Others' sounds good). Lucado said that we can't make a withdrawal without having a deposit first; simlarly, we are not expected to give love if we cannot remember how Christ has deposited love into our lives.

I am in constant wonder of His love for us. Rejected, spat on, mocked, accused and killed, and yet, He still loved us. Amazing love. Amazing Son. Loving Father. How often have we dismissed our Sundays? He gave us His Son, and we can't even give Him our Sunday afternoons? I spent a whole week without truly worshipping Him; I felt dry and tired. I was like Martha, and conveniently forgot to be Mary and Lazarus. A few days ago, I started worhipping again. Instead of being rejected, He caused my tears to flow once more. Amazing love.

I often dismiss Corinthians 13 as cliche and superficial, only for those who seek assurance from the bible about their love for their boyfriends/girlfriends. But today, Lucado wanted me to relook the passage.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Replace the words 'love' with 'Christ'. Think about it.

Christ won't keep a record of wrongs, of how many times we've overslept on a Sunday service or neglected it to go out with friends. Christ does not purposely recall that time we refused Him entry by denying His name, nor blame us for not believing. How about that time we cursed at Him and blamed Him for things going wrong? Paid for in full.

I rejoice in the love of Christ.
Now its time for me to show more, much much more, of it to the world.

Teach me Lord, for I am ignorant and frail.

boo.

2005-07-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

phew.

its been a horrible week..last week i mean. glad everything's settled, resolved and over.

took a day off today. plans were cancelled.

i love spending the day with myself. alone at home. its great being able to sit around and ponder where your life's headed. i relish the beauty of solitude, when the house is empty except for Him and myself. its this quiet knowing..this peace. i can't have it all the time you know..with brothers yelling about world issues such as the culprit behind the missing $1.10.

i found a pink elephant on my bed. i strongly suspect my dad bought it for me from the petrol kiosk.

you know what kind of life i really want?

i wanna be independent, living for myself. rich is a great option. and i wanna spend days just sitting with my God, reading, listening to music, cooking and writing. husband and kids......husband maybe. kids? grr. i won't want them to turn out like me.

okay, i have no idea what's the point of this entry as of now. lets try and write something interesting at the expense of someone else.

i was late for school the other day (i'm always late on mondays and tuesdays), so i exaggerrated my morning toilet escapades .

- pause -

i got to the root of the mystery of the pink elephant. lerren found it on some questionable bench. *shakes head*

anyway, back to the real issue.

mr tng was trying to be strict i think, or intimidating. whichever. like, i've been through ms ee and ms lai....what could be worse. here's how the conversation went:

mr tng: why were you late?
me: diarrheoa
mr tng: you're a student councillor right?
me: er yeah.
mr tng: you should be more responsible. if you know your stomach is weak, then don't eat curry!

right. seriously, i wonder why these people want to purposely make a fool outta themselves and be the butt of all jokes. there is no reason why people should be late. yes, i'm late queen, but hey, you're asking for it when you know you ask stupid questions. i'm just joining the rest of the world making fun of our admin.

hey mrs crossley, if you're reading my blog, hi!! *waves* i think you're really nice, but i hate your boss. and when that bomb sets off tomorrow, i hope you'll forgive me because we usually pray that we don't harm any innocent.

since we're on to this topic and since i'm no longer a councillor..

i hate mjc.

i'm stopping here. sounding too angsty. i'm quite happy today actually. haha.

boo.

stoned.

2005-07-07T22:06:00.000+08:00

my blog, my space.
i'm allowed to talk about myself right?
journey to self-discovery.

i realised that i have a range of emotions (no.....). temper will rise up to a certain point, lets say a 100 degrees, beyond that, its steam. i'm in a state of total calm. i figured, up to 100 degrees, i can't control my emotions, but my mind is in control. beyond that, my emotions are in control, but my mind isn't. i wanted to lash out, to hit, to yell and to scream and to cry and to wail.

so that's exactly how i felt today. i didn't want to talk about what happened to anyone. i didn't want to talk. i didn't want to do anything. looked at the lessons i had today, left school at 1230, went home to sleep. didn't want to think. slept and hoped it was a bad dream.

don't ask me what's wrong, please. i don't want to talk about it.

i won't be treated this way. i have my pride, and its not meant for anyone to toss around like spare cash.
on a lighter note, i've never heard her apologise. she's never wrong.

was it?

sigh.

unconditional.

anyways.
i did really well considering i put in zero effort in studying. i finally got an A2 for GP. did really well for my essay. as for history..haha you wouldn't believe it man. because i ponned the last few periods, i wasn't present when i was being skanked. pang was saying that i'm a classic example of spotting questions...haha. and then he was saying that i did pretty well for my source based, considering that my head is always on the table. then he credited it to his voice, saying that it must have been strong enough to penetrate the tables. (-_-") well yeah, considering that i got 13 for sbq and 14 for 1848...praise God man. mercy indeed.

i'm praying..praying for 3 miracles.

i don't believe i'm wrong.

Had a bad day.

2005-07-05T20:05:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the brink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day
Had a bad day

indeed.
my ear hurts like hell (considering i hate going to the docs n i hate taking medicine, i went to the darn doc's immediately and was happy putting on the medicine).
if i wasnt in sucha horrible mood i'd blog about the doctor who told me nothing bigger than my elbow should go into my ear.
i'm really really really tired.
sigh.

2005-06-30T18:12:00.000+08:00

_____100 questions______

how about lets make this a little more interesting...i'll type in two answers. the first one being what i would have said slightly earlier than a year ago, and the second being what i'd say now. ;)

lets start wid da facts..
1. Full Name: Liane
2. Your Nick Names: ah lian, lian eng, bung <- i'm not.
3. Are you bi, gay, straight, a-sexual: was bi, now straight.
4. Place of Birth: singpaore?
5. Zodiac Sign: i'm yr typical virgo baybeh.
6. Male or Female: contrary to popular belief, i'm not the 'or'. female. tho my brain's half male n half bimbo.
7. age: 18...soon.
8. School: lai's empire.
9. Occupation: soon to be first lady PM of singapore. heh heh. suck up to me NOW.
10. Residence: in the outskirts of lai's empire.

now for how i looked a year ago....
__Your Appearance___
12. Hair Color: brown with red streaks / brownish
13. Hair Long or Short: super spikey short / still spikey, but long (think shoulder length)
14. Eye Color: black
15. how do ur nails look: long, painted bronze / short, not varnished
16. Do you have a crush on someone right now: can't get over a certain someone / no..tho i want one to add a lil colour to life. ;)
18. do you like yourself: i sure do / i sure do. ;) (well, some things never change...)
20. think your attractive: i hope so / they say i look nerdy now. .....
21. Piercings: nah.
22. Tattoo: one, thinking of getting another / one, thinking of covering it up with a diff one..
23. Righty or Lefty: righty

___Your 'Firsts'___
24. First RollerCoaster: australia i think...
25. First cell phone: nokia 8210
26. First best friend(s): i can't really remember..jennifer i think.
27. First Award: essay writing competition in pri 3. i was a lil genius then...gee i wonder what happened.
28. First Sport You Joined: basketball..tho i quit after a week. heh.
29. First pet: my pet terrapin...its living in my bucket now.
30. First vacation: australia lives in my memory, but i think i went somewhere else before that.
31. First Concert: some CO concert...yeah yeah.
32. First True Love: (ah now comes the interesting bit...) shujing / Christ.

___ Favorites___
33. Movie: can't rem..
34. TV Show: Alias, charmed / charmed, desperate housewives (alias got cut).
35. Color: white and pink.
36. Band: no idea.
37. Song: find me at the cross.
38. Food: thai, chinese, italian, japanese.
39. Drink: sprite ice!!
40. Candy: marks n spencer's fizzy fish / marks n spencer's fizzy fish n starburst sweets.
41. Sport : ruffles punching ;) thanks bro.
42. Fav sport To Watch: soccer! glory, glory man utd, glory glory man utd....
43. Brand Of Clothing: fcuk, surfbrands, mango, zara, topshop, anything tt looks oriental or out of this world (with syle of course)
44. Store: i dunno, i love shopping as a whole. (here's the bimbo part).
45. School Subject: history, lit because its the only thing i pass.
46. Animal: Cats
48. Magazine: the economist, national or asian geographic, beginning to like time.

___Currently___
49. Eating: about to eat my gran's rice.
50. Drinking: about to get a can of sprite ice.
52. Online?: how abt you get the US home security to check?
53. Listening to: fine me at the cross.
54. Thinking About: my econs mcq tmr.
55. Wanting To: tan n shop.
56. Watching: my screen. how d'ya think i type?

___Your Future___
58. Want Kids?: no / no
59. Want to Get Married?: no / don't mind but i doubt anyone will be able to stand living with me.
60. Careers in Mind: teacher, politician / teacher, politician.

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___
67. Cute or Sexy: sex-say / how abt a lil of both? heh.
68. Lips or Eyes: oh eyes def...
69. Hugs or Kisses: hugs
70: Short or Tall: tall, tho i always end up liking shorties.
71. Easygoing or serious: both.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: romantic / spontaneous.
73. Fatty or Skinny: buff.
74. Sensitive or Loud: sensitive.
75. Hook-up or Relationship: hook-up / relationship.
76. Sweet or Caring: both.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: trouble maker...how'd we ever match otherwise?. ;)

___Have You Ever___
78. Kissed a Stranger: nope.
79:Drank Alcohol: yeap..i wasn't born yesterday u know.
80. Smoked: yes
81. Ran Away From Home: wanted to.
82. Broken a Bone: yeah.
83. Got an X-ray: yeah
84. Broken Someone's Heart: i don't...oh yeah i did once. tho i'd like to erase that from my memory forever. what a loser..
85. Loved Someone: yah i did / i'm not too sure abt that now (the previous someone at least), but i sure am in love with my Heavenly Father right now.
86. Turned Someone Down: in what senses? *acts innocent* yes lah...
87. Cried When Someone Died: yes.
88. Cried At School: yes. and the woman who did that to me will pay.

___Do You Believe In___
89. God: yes / He's my life.
90. Miracles: yes / i've seen them.
91. Love At First Sight: definitely / perhaps not, but i can definitely tell if i'm gonna hit off with you real well.
92. Ghosts: yes, seen em / no, they're just demons. ;) (doesn't that make leon one....??)
93. Aliens: nope
94. Soul Mates: yes / yes, i could pass ya his number. ;)
95. Heaven: yes / yes, it's where i'm headed. ;)
96. Hell: yes / yes, i've felt it.
98. Kissing on The First Date: sure why not? / no. nah. def not.
99. Horoscopes: yeah / its just a collective characteristic.

___Answer Truthfully___
100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't Have?: yes / used to, not anymore.

*yawn*
talk about cheap entertainment.
i need my sprite ice now.
ciao.

fellowship.

2005-06-22T04:58:00.000+08:00

oh wow.
i just realised the importance of Godly fellowship. (think 3.5 hours on e phone w joyce)
its really great.

i wanna grow in Godliness day by day.
i wanna rejoice in His miracles.
i wanna have faith, not cynicism.

that's the cure for pms man.

love ya Daddy.
:)

yawn

2005-06-22T02:30:00.000+08:00

oh wow.
i'm finally done pmsing.
love good Godly fellowship.

more pms.

2005-06-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

you know what i hate?
i hate people who don't reply my msgs or answer my calls.
i absolutely abhor it.
it drives me up the wall.
regardless of who.
i hate it.

i can't believe i just spent the whole freaking day wasting my skull marked time waiting for people to reply me about studying out.
blame it on my own cursed stupidity.
the whole darn day.
i desperately needed to get out of the house, but i didn't.
why?
cuz though some days i really enjoy my solitude, today, or rather, yesterday, jus wasn't one of those days.
and amazingly, not a single person i asked wanted/could go out with me.
okay i know people aren't catered to my needs/wants.
but JUST ANSWER MY IDIOT PROOF MSGS!
AARGH.

i hate people not answering me.
i hate being ignored.
i hate being locked up in what you call a home.
i hate pms.
i hate pms.
i hate pms.

i just had it TWICE this cursed month.
that's like, a whole month's full of pms.

plus the flu since sunday.
fever, cough, cold.
the bonus package included happy mucus and phlegm.
plus sleepless nightmare-filled nights and body aches.
fantastic promotion they had; not to be missed.
and you wonder why i'm cranky.

*thrashes around*

i'm trying my best to control the string of vulgarities threatening my promise.

*takes a great mighty swing and hits the wall*

*coughs*

pardon me while i wallow in self pity.

pms.

2005-06-21T17:09:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm seriously quite pissed.
hope its jus pms.
whatever.
off to studying.

for you, specially.

2005-06-20T00:59:00.000+08:00

don't know if ya still read my blog, but here goes anyhow.
hope i don't sound intrusive and/or condescending.

one is only ready for a relationship when you don't need one anymore.
paradoxical, but that's what i believe.
if you're insecure in yourself, and start depending on another for emotional support, you're only gonna end up hurting yourself simply because people aren't perfect.
learn to lean on God.

and never enter a relationship with emotional baggage.
you look like you still have stuff to deal with, stuff you left behind from your past.
you gotta deal with them first.
its like going into a fight when you haven't recovered from that ankle injury from two months back.
putting pressure on weak areas.

i'm just saying this based on the very little information i've gathered.
hope it doesn't offend ya.
good intentions at heart.

i'll end off with this.
go to God.
let prayer be your first option, not you last.

and my phone's on 24/7.

ciao.

the skanker and the skanked.

2005-06-11T22:39:00.000+08:00

today was really fun.
as a result of MMD, i decided to be a good kid and do a lil BM at home (i.e. vacuuming the floor, washing the dishes).
went out to get shoes (cuz my old ones waged war on me) but returned home with..
1. pretty floral skirt
2. charles and keith white heels w flowers
3. plain white giordano shirt (mine turned yellow...)

and i'm waiting for two more pairs of shoes from charles and keith next week (mother dearest apparently has a 20% off courtesy of some nkf voucher).

heh.
wonders of astonishing your mother.
sure fire method of curing MMD.

so we (mother father and pet rabbit i.e. lerren) trooped off to bedok to have dinner..thus the title of this blog
the skanker and the skanked.

me: lerren, go see if my ba chor mee is ready
lerren: okay
*returns two seconds later*
lerren: ready already.
mum: how you know?
lerren: got two bowls there.
*i burst out laughing*
me: wow so clever! i'm sure we're the only customers they have today!
lerren: *only hears the clever part* heh heh
me: so, are the bowls labelled 'lerren' and 'liane'?
lerren: *too thick to get the joke*
mum:*guffaws*
lerren: aiyar, its ours lar, i bet you it will come in five minutes.
*five minutes later*
me: so...where are they?
lerren: *grins with his buck teeth showing*
me: go ask now.
*lerren walks towards the stall, glances at it and walks back*
mum: huh, you go there see only?
lerren: no need to ask lah.
me: yeah, must check if there are enough bowls.
*mum and i burst out laughing*

-later during dinner-
mum: lerren, why are you piling so much food on your spoon?
lerren: *looks at spoonful of noodles, meatballs and wanton and smiles stupidly*
me: well, he might as well put his buck teeth to good use.
lerren: *smiles stupidly and looks proud of himself*

i tell you, i have a retard for a brother. and that's why i never bring him out; people may mistake him for my pet rabbit.

and before a certain someone complains...

I LOVE YING!!

remember, choose your relatives carefully. ;)

of things which don't matter.

2005-06-02T02:03:00.000+08:00

random thoughts
1. i think my stomach has developed a life of its own
2. my brain is shrivelling up
3. that was the longest report i've ever typed (i've been saying this for the past few weeks..)
4. i'm really hungry
5. i love ying :)

you know, i was just drawing up a flirting chart for a certain friend of mine, when i suddenly felt really irritated with girls. they are completely illogical.

classic example:
if a couple has gone splitsville...
- the girl is allowed to date anyone she wants because it shows that she has "moved on".
- the guy does the same and is accused of being an insensitive jerk ('don't you care about her at all?')

i mean, you hear all these accusations about how guys are all pig-headed (giggle giggle), but seriously, can they be faulted for thinking with their heads instead of emotions? the only reason why girls claim that there are no good guys out there anymore is also because the population of emotional females have increased by leaps and bounds. if the country were to be run by these females, we'd be the next Atlantis.

notice how guys are usually more successful than girls? that's because when they're not thinking with their little brothers, they're using their heads. when girls are not using their entire spectrum of emotions, they're usually engaged in highly engaging conversations with their mirrors. a guy wouldn't give two hoots about taking on a new job in california, while the girl would spend a week (in a good scenario) fretting over how her mum and dad and grandma and grandpa and sister and brother and older brother and fiance and auntie and auntie's friend and auntie's friend's daughter and pet dog and pet goldfish and hairdresser and manicurist and ......... (list goes on) and karang guni man would feel about it.

i don't even know why i'm ranting so much.

hey wait a minute.....

i'm a girl too.

dang.

sometimes, its good to have half of a guy's brain. (the one that uses the brain, not little winky down there)

yawn.

2005-06-01T02:31:00.000+08:00

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

yes, for the self-confessed narcissist

Jinx you~!

2005-05-28T10:07:00.000+08:00

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

its all jiayan's fault.

heh heh.

packing up.

2005-05-23T21:55:00.000+08:00

i spent 8 hours packing my room.
man.
amazing what you can find in this huge mess.
secondary sch memories...loads of them.

then i set up a drawer specially for jc memories.
used a shoebox to keep all my nice stuff from secondary school, so i'm keeping the tradition.
used a VNC shoebox (think hard about where the history of this particular shoebox).

anyways.
gotta go do my homework now.

ciao.

2005-05-22T23:56:00.000+08:00

people will always choose to see things the way they want to.
perception.
is the cup half empty or half full?
pretty things on the surface fool many.
people who don't understand, or choose not to, never will.

i give up.
i really do.
*throws in white towel*

2005-05-22T11:56:00.000+08:00

dude, think you've gotten me wrong.

you can find 30001 different ways of debunking my 'argument'; the thing is, i ain't arguing. i know better than to argue with someone who writes and speaks better than i do. its a personal stand, a simple rambling. i'm perfectly fine with other people having their own opinions about who God is or how one gets to God really, i'm just saying that Christianity has degenerated just because of a few people who know nothing about Christianity.

thus i only have a few points to bring up (for clarifications):
1. this isn't an argument or debate, so there shouldn't be anything to refute to begin with
2. according to traditions, the Sabbath is supposed to be kept holy and Christians 'have' to go to church too.
3. like i said in the beginning, Christianity is degenerating because of a few know-nothings. it isn't fair to persecute the entire faith because of these people is it?
4. its not Christianity which made me 'abandon' my friends, as you call it. if you recall, it was really about me not spending enough time with them because i'm compelled to head wherever i'm needed. shopping and trips to the neighbourhood cafe can't really be considered a need when i have councillors depending on me or students who need to pass their O levels. if acceptance and compromise cannot be found..then i'm sorry.

i don't profess to know everything about Christianity, i am new to it you know. lets just each stick to our own opinions alright? we're all in search of the truth, which way you take is really up to you, i ain't gonna intrude anytime soon. ;)

anyways, good that you don't take offence. can hardly find people like that nowadays.

ciao bro, off to service. ;)

2005-05-21T18:39:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm getting a lil peeved alr.
this entry is purely a personal one, so i couldn't give two hoots what happens next.
no offense to you bro, still love ya loads.

i have just one question to ask,
what does the whole world have against Christianity?
just because of a few overzealous Christian know-nothings, the entire faith is being eaten up by the dogs.
i'm sorry, i'm just very compelled to protect my God.

if every other religion reserves the right to kneel and pray and praise their god, then i think Christians do to.
if people have problems accepting the Christian God, then don't. i praise Him cuz i know He's watching over me, cuz i know that that's Someone i can count on when my friends and family have all left me to die in lucifer's black hole. and no, we don't kneel all the time. in fact, there's a lot of jumping and singing involved.

people have a problem with evangelism? well, at least that's better than other religions who just keep their faiths to themselves and secretly whisper to each other, 'well, i'm going to heaven and you're not, nanny nanny poo poo.' and like is said, don't be thrown off by overzealous know nothings.

and you know what i seriously have a problem with?

i have a problem with muslims being let a few hours off school every friday afternoon for prayers, but Christians not being allowed to go off on sundays because of church. why the special rights? you tell people you need to go to the mosque to pray, or you need to go home early to break fast and everyone's perfectly fine with it, but when you tell them you need to be in church for follow up sessions or a worship session, the whole world gives you THAT LOOK which says 'oh my gosh, how irresponsible can she get?' or 'what's up with church man..'. take for example ctc. the juniors weren't let off for church. so now visits to the mosque presides over church? look, i have nothing against muslims, its those who favour them that i have a huge bone to pick with. if they are granted these rights, then following singapore's admirable 'regardless of race, language or religion' policy, i think we should be too.

if anyone wants us to leave them alone, then i suggest they stop persecuting us.

sorry bro. this is not a personal attack against you alright. its just the same defensive outburst i had for a certain tall someone.

soccer and chinese singing competition!

2005-05-21T17:29:00.000+08:00

i have no idea how my prev entry got deleted.
and increasingly annoyed that my blogger is in chinese.
already i can't read chinese, and now i find out my comp can't either.
sheesh.

anyways, on to happier things..
yesterday's soccer match was fantastic! we won rjc with a score of 1-0! a 3 year old school beating a sch with more than 50 years' worth of traditions...hah! take that! we had a great crowd too!! everyone was cheering and jumping and shouting and yelling!! could be because all the soccer players' significant others were in the crowd...heh. and the bus ride back!! wow!! it was great just going crazy with jiayan, kha, stuck and the rest of the no. 3s! and yes no. 3s!! wonderful job yesterday!! woohoo!! we were seranading mrs chin on the way back with don't wanna miss a thing, so fun!! we were having fun with the vps, ms ee and ms wong too!! woohooo!!

went to support cindy and wanling at the chinese singing competition yesterday!! though we didn't get there in time for wanling's performance, i'll bet she was great! and cindy won the competition!! woohoo!! went for dinner with ms yong, stuck, kha, jiayan and wanling after that...showed kha a little bit about sac's culture..heh heh.

wow. yesterday was one of the best days i had in a long time.

God is a good God.
He really rocks my socks.
:)

2005-05-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

i'm counting on the fact that no one reads this.

investiture rehearsals.

memories come flowing in.
you have no idea.

i wish i had another chance.
'you're like a falling star.'
indeed.
like meteors, bright and fiery, only to hit the ground like harmless flies.
i've fallen from grace.

i wish i didn't have to end like this.
you have no idea how much is going on inside.
i tried, i really did.

we talked.
but you still seem like you're pushing me away.
you tell me how disappointed you are, and ask how different i am from **.
did you bother to ask me then?
how did it feel when you kept pushing me away, did you have any idea?
i kept asking, i remember.
but you didn't want to talk.
perhaps you still need more time.
i wouldn't know.
but i do have a question.
is our friendship merely based on work?
is it that delicate?

yes, i'm insecure.
i don't know.
i wish you and you and you would still talk to me.
i really do.
i still love you guys so so so so much.

i cannot afford my nightmares to keep recurring.
it reminds me too much of my past.
my mind can take it, but my heart can't.
and this time, i will let the mind take over.

i look at this council.
the newbies.
3rd students' council.
walk on.
walk on proud.
head held high.
i look at them and wish,
'if only i had another chance.'

i fell from grace.
and that one mistake can kill every good thing you've ever done.
sometimes, even the people closest to you cannot accept what you did.
sometimes they too, are unable to take the emotional burden.

i dread the day i step down.
i don't want to leave like this.
wounded and beaten down.
but i will hold my head high.
i will put on the eyes of defiance.
even if only for a few hours.

you wait.
just you wait.
wait for the hour of my return.

i am the daughter of the Almighty God.
i am the daughter of the Almighty God.
i am the daughter of the Almighty God.

Yea, and though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil.

"A honey tongue, a heart of gall."

2005-05-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

The nymph's reply to the shepherd

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Time drives the flocks from field to fold
When rivers rage and rocks grow cold,
And Philomel becometh dumb;
The rest complains of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
To wayward winter reckoning yields;
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall.

The gowns, thy shoes, thy beds of roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten,—
In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy love.
________________________________________

i want to write.
haven't written in ages.

a honey tongue, a heart of gall.
indeed.

my walls are coming up...it won't take long. i'm just waiting..for one more reply.
i'd rather things not be this way.

later.

'yes Lord, i will.'

2005-05-10T23:42:00.000+08:00

i could exalt You forever.
yesterday, i saw the true meaning of what it meant to look at the Giver, and not the gift.
thank You.

i know i'm crying as i'm doing this.

i only have Your words to hold on to...they are more than enough. if i could tell You how much i would give up for You, if i had to go through this much pain for You, i would. i would do everything all over again. i want to be able to tell You, when the time comes, 'yes Lord, i will.'

'yes Lord, i will.'

how and when did i become so freaking emotional?!

no need to understand this.